


Here Is What I Know Now

by aleia



Series: You Are My Home [1]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Brat TK, Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gentle dom Carlos, Handcuffs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Cancer, Police, Suicidal Thoughts, Under-negotiated Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23671129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia
Summary: This is sort of a Spin-off of my My Salvation series that starts after When I've Tossed off the Weight of This Crazy Stone. Since the show is renewed (yay!), I want to continue that series in the new season. But I'm also going to keep going because who wants to wait that long. :D
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Judd Ryder & TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Series: You Are My Home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762513
Comments: 192
Kudos: 330





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [When I've Thrown Off the Weight of this Crazy Stone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23149894) by [aleia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia). 



TK isn’t surprised that his dad is in the living room when they come in the house. If it was a regular day and he hadn’t gone to the hospital, his dad might agree to hide away in his bedroom. After the day, the month, and the year they’ve had, he can’t blame his dad for wanting to see him before bed. If TK is honest with himself, he didn’t come home instead of going to sleep at Carlos’s house for just his dad.

This is probably obvious to everyone involved because the first thing he does after his dad stands up is break away from Carlos so that he can hug his father. He cares about Carlos and he wants to be with him for the night, but he also wants to be home and home means being close to his dad.

“So, I hear you’ve been upgraded,” his dad says to Carlos as soon as he pulls back.

“Yes, sir.”

“Glad to hear it.” His dad reaches out and shakes Carlos’s hand and Carlos goes with it even though they’ve obviously met plenty of times.

“Normally I wouldn’t bring this up because TK is an adult, and I don’t tell him what to do in his personal life, but I’m sure you know he isn’t approved for any strenuous physical activity yet.”

“Oh my god, Dad. Seriously?” TK has serious regrets, but it’s not his fault for not anticipating that his dad would wait 26 years to be embarrassing—especially considering that Carlos is the first boyfriend of TK’s that his dad has genuinely liked.

“Yes sir. I have reminded him of that and will make sure he sticks to it,” Carlos says. TK has so many regrets.

“Okay. This is over. We are going to bed.”

His dad just laughs as TK pulls Carlos to his bedroom without giving either of them a chance to argue.

“I can’t believe he did that. How was he normal when I was fifteen and _now_ he’s crazy? What the fuck?”

“Considering how much of a brat you’re going to be about it, I feel like it’s fair,” Carlos says.

“Rude.” TK pouts, but Carlos just laughs and kisses his pout away.

***

TK wakes up without Carlos’s arms around him. Someone is combing through TK’s hair, so TK reaches out without opening his eyes until he finds Carlos sitting on the bed. He wraps his arms around Carlos and cuddles against him.

“You can go back to sleep. I just wanted to tell you I’m going to work.”

TK whines, but Carlos just laughs and kisses his forehead. “If you want me to come back tonight, I will.”

TK nods and he can hear the smile in Carlos’s voice when he says, “Okay. I’ll see you tonight.” 

Carlos gently untangles TK’s arms from around his waist. He smooths down TK’s hair and kisses his lips and his forehead before standing up.

“Go back to sleep. You need rest.”

***

TK has no idea how long much longer he slept because he never opened his eyes when Carlos left, but it’s afternoon when he wakes up and looks at his phone.

His dad is downstairs.

“You’re supposed to be at work,” TK tells him.

“I worked yesterday. How do you know it’s not my day off?”

“Because I popped my stitches. I didn’t hit my head. You always check in with the other shifts.”

“You also inhaled smoke. It could’ve gone to your head. But the boss reworked the schedule for me so that I’m not going in until later tonight.” His dad sets a cup of coffee in front of him.

“ _You_ are the boss,” TK says, rolling his eyes at his dad.

“Yes, that did make it easy to get the time off.” His dad doesn’t look even a little apologetic. “Stay out of the hospital for an entire week and I’ll ease up.”

TK nods. It’s hard to argue with that when he knows he’d be worse if things were reversed. At least his dad isn’t taking the whole day off.

“So, I saw Carlos this morning.”

TK groans and drops his head on the table.

“Please tell me you weren’t weird. Your chance to be weird was last night. And you were weird. You were more weird last night than when I was a kid.”

“Yes, well, you weren’t under doctor’s orders to not engage in strenuous activity last time I met one of your boyfriends.”

TK only lifts his head because wants to drink his coffee.

“He’d already told me he was paying attention to that. You didn’t need to be embarrassing,” It probably doesn’t help that TK is pouting, but it’s his dad. His dad is used to it. He’s watched TK pout for twenty-six years.

“And _that _is why I like him.” His dad makes it worse by ruffling his hair and TK swats him away. “I didn’t say anything. I gave him coffee and let him know that I’d be with you most of the day so that he wouldn’t worry.”__

__“I’m fine. Seriously. I just had to have them fix some stitches. Nothing serious. If you guys start getting weird and coordinating shifts, I’m moving in with Paul.”_ _

__His dad holds his hands up and backs away._ _

__“You know we can’t make our shifts work like that on a regular basis. Try to let him worry about you for one day, okay?”_ _

__His dad leaves out that TK already put Carlos through enough._ _

__“I know. I know it’s been a while, but I know how to be a decent boyfriend,” TK says ignoring the look his dad gets when he says it. “What’s your excuse? You know I’m fine.”_ _

__“My excuse is that I’m your father and I had to put you in an ambulance for the second time in two weeks. Eventually your mother is going to find out about the second time, and I don’t want to hear what she has to say if there’s a third time.”_ _

__“That now that I’m fine, she’s going to stay in China.” She did make time to FaceTime him for a few minutes. Carlos sat by his bed before they were officially dating, but his mother waited until he was out of the hospital to get on the phone._ _

__“She loves you. She’s just not sure how to deal with you being hurt. She gave all your doctors hell.”_ _

__TK lets his dad hug him. He wishes he could fix whatever was broken between him and his mom but deciding to be a firefighter only made it worse._ _

__But he asked for his dad before he ever opened his eyes because he knew his dad would be there._ _

__***_ _

__**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Do you even remember me waking you up this morning?  
**TK:** I remember.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Do you want me to bring you dinner?_ _

__It says something about the last few months that Carlos thinks TK isn’t going to let him come over after TK specially said that he wanted to see him a few hours ago._ _

__**TK:** How was work?  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Slow day. Lots of driving. Got a call from Mrs. Turner. There are still no ghosts in her house.  
**TK:** Are you really sure she thinks that you can fight ghosts? Because if I was 75 and lived alone, I’d call the hot cop to come save me from ghosts too. 🤤 🤤  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Maybe I keep answering her calls because she gives me pie.  
**TK:** So…if work was boring, does this mean you have energy to make me tamales again? I think they have healing properties and, you know, I’m hurt. 🤕 😢  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Oh really? It’s like that?  
**TK:** My dad was just saying how he likes you because you take such good care of me while I’m hurt….  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** You are such a brat. Can I pick you up so I can use my own kitchen?  
**TK:** Yes please. 😁 😁_ _

__***_ _

__TK pulls Carlos inside the house as soon as he opens the door._ _

__“If you want dinner, we need to get going,” Carlos says as TK steps close to him._ _

__“I just want to kiss my boyfriend. I have to remind him not to leave me. I hear some woman is trying to seduce him away with pie.”_ _

__Carlos is still laughing when TK kisses him. TK has never been with anyone who smiles into kisses the way Carlos does. No matter how much grief he’s put Carlos through, Carlos always seems so happy just be kissing him._ _

__“All right, brat” Carlos says, but he kisses TK twice more quickly before pushing him away. “If you’re going to milk your health to get me to make you dinner, you can’t try to get me in bed.”_ _

__***_ _

__**Marjan:** So…Carlos is officially upgraded to boyfriend?  
**TK:** omg. Is my dad seriously telling everyone?  
**Marjan:** Saw Carlos when he came to see Michelle for their lunch date. I overheard. Also, he was walking around like he won the lottery. I don’t know why. Does the sun actually shine out of your ass?  
**TK:** That sounds painful and gross.  
**Marjan:** Ew. True.  
**TK:** Does everyone know?  
**Marjan:** haha. No. Mateo has no idea. Paul hasn’t said anything, but he probably knows because he knows everything. Judd is suspicious because your dad is so chill about being away from you.  
**TK:** You know, I used to hate that he didn’t like my boyfriends. I didn’t know how good I had it. Also, don’t tell Judd.  
**Marjan:** Cops piss me off and I still like Carlos. Of course, your dad loves him. I’d say you should’ve known better, but I don’t know why he took one look at you and decided jump through so many hoops.  
**TK:** Same tbh.  
**Marjan:** Why are you even texting me? Why are you not tapping that right now?  
**TK:** Because I’m not approved for strenuous physical activity and my dad made sure he knew that last night. 🙄  
**Marjan:** Seriously?  
**TK:** And Carlos said, “Yes sir, I have reminded him of that and will make sure he sticks to it.”  
**Marjan:** rotflmao. Come on. You think it’s kind of hot that he’s all protective.  
**TK:** Not when he’s promising my dad that he won’t have sex with me! It’s just weird.  
**Marjan:** Fair. But still, why are you texting me? You’re allowed to do some non-strenuous making out.  
**TK:** [picture message]  
**TK:** I’ve been told to not be too distracting if I want dinner. Also, I’m not allowed to know his Abuela’s recipe yet.  
**Marjan:** That ass looks way too good in an apron.  
**TK:** He’s also singing in Spanish while he cooks. 🤤_ _

__***_ _

__“ _That’s_ the picture you sent Marjan?”_ _

__“She wanted to know why I was ignoring you. Also, I wanted to brag about my hot boyfriend making me dinner.” TK’s not sure why he’s so addicted to saying the word that he avoided for so long. Maybe it’s because of how Carlos smiles when he says it._ _

__Apparently, Carlos is only secretive about the tamales because once he has them in the pot, he lets TK hover and get in the way while he finishes everything else. There’s a reason that no one likes when it’s TK’s turn to cook at the firehouse. He’s entirely useless in the kitchen, but he just wants to be close to Carlos. TK knows it’s because they’re both in the honeymoon period, but that’s not going to stop him from enjoying it._ _

__***_ _

__The first night Carlos slept in his bed, TK was too tired to think about it. Even with the short nap be got at the firehouse, his body wanted rest after how far he pushed himself to rescue the bus driver. When TK put up an argument about being refused sex, they both knew he wasn’t serious because he was falling asleep while Carlos was trying to gently get him out of his hoodie._ _

__But after sitting around while his dad hovered over him all day and then watching Carlos cook, TK has too much energy to lie next to Carlos and not complain when Carlos refuses to let them do more than kiss. Carlos laughs, and pushes down on his good shoulder to hold him on his back when TK tries to roll toward him. It does not help TK calm down._ _

__“I watched you get put in an ambulance _yesterday_. Nothing you say is going to change my mind,” Carlos says. “Also, my best friend and your dad reminded that you’re still supposed to be resting. I got three texts while I was making dinner.”_ _

__TK doesn’t even try to keep the whine out of his voice when he says, “Oh my god. Why does he have your phone number?”_ _

__“He has it from when you were in a coma, but he’s not even using it. He’s getting Michelle to text me. She thinks it’s hilarious. She took pictures of him looking worried and sent them to me. She also says that she stopped you from bleeding to death once already and if I have to call her because I let you push yourself, then she’s going to tell your dad.”_ _

__TK tries to roll toward him to so he can hide his blushing face, but he has to stop when it hurts to lie on his bad shoulder._ _

__“Hey. Be careful,” Carlos says as he pushes TK back down._ _

__“Move to the other side. I want cuddles if I can’t have sex.”_ _

__“You’re just going to make me move again when you want to be the little spoon,” Carlos says, but he still climbs over TK so that TK can roll onto his good shoulder and drape himself over Carlos’s chest._ _

__“I’m injured.” TK’s dad is completely immune to his puppy dog eyes, but Carlos isn’t. He laughs at TK, but he wraps his arm around TK’s back to keep him close. It’s perfect. Almost. TK sits up enough to push up Carlos’s T-shirt._ _

__“TK…” The warning tone is way too hot for the situation, so TK interrupts him._ _

__“Yes, I know. No sex. I just want skin. I’ll be good.”_ _

__“If you can’t be good, the shirt goes back on,” Carlos says, but he shifts TK off, takes off his shirt, and then pulls TK back to his chest. It’s warm and safe and exactly what TK wanted. He can’t help nuzzling under Carlos’s chin and breathing him in._ _

__“Better?” Carlos asks. TK kisses his chest and nods, purring when Carlos scratches the back of his head._ _

__“Um hum.”_ _

__“You know you can’t milk being injured and also claim you’re okay to have sex,” Carlos says, but he doesn’t stop his ministrations._ _

__“I’m going to do it anyway.”_ _

__If Carlos really had a problem with it, he wouldn’t move back to the other side of the bed when TK starts to fall asleep and decides he wants to be spooned._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday so I'm posting fic when I want because what else can I do right now? I wrote an extra scene to this just this morning, so sorry if there are a few extra typos. I could wait but I'm quarantined for my birthday and I wanted comments for my birthday so here it is. I might come back and try to double check later, but right now I'm running late for my own Zoom birthday party.
> 
> Texts between Michelle and Carlos after TK falls asleep because his body is still healing so he still needs more rest than Carlos:
> 
>  **Michelle:** TK is not answering his texts. Judd wants your phone number, but I told him no. Can you tell me that he’s fine so everyone will stop worrying?  
>  **Michelle:** (Marjan and Mateo would like you to know that they have total faith in you. It’s mostly Judd being annoying and Owen worrying because he’s going to do it no matter what. He actually told me to tell you that it’s not because he doesn’t have faith in you. Congrats. Your boyfriend’s dad loves you.)  
>  **Carlos:** He’s fine. He fell asleep early. (After insisting that he’s totally okay all night.)  
>  **Michelle:** Is he at your house or his?  
>  **Carlos:** Mine. He wanted me to make him dinner. I wanted to cook in my own kitchen.  
>  **Michelle:** You are so whipped.  
>  **Carlos:** He got shot.  
>  **Michelle:** You’re still whipped. It’s cute though. Are you watching him sleep?  
>  **Carlos:** I don’t want to move and wake him up.
> 
> ***
> 
> Also, tamales are a lot of work and take a long time, but there are various cheats. Carlos totally worked really hard the first time he made TK’s tamales, but this time, he totally cheated and used all the short cuts and told TK that he couldn’t watch. He figured a white boy wouldn’t notice he was cheating and he was right. One of my only memories of my grandmother is making tortillas with her and asking my mom why she just bought tortillas and she was like, “I’m not doing all that work.” tl:dr: yes, actual Mexicans use shortcuts on all kinds off traditional recipes. I refuse to warm my tortillas like my mother did. I just toss them over the open flame on my gas stove like a heathen.
> 
> Last note: Marjan does have a emoji on her name in TK’s phone. But after I decided on the female superhero emoji, Ao3 doesn’t seem to have it. Rude.


	2. Chapter 2

The most fucked up thing about Carlos absolutely refusing to have sex with him until a doctor approves it is that TK thinks it’s kind of hot. TK’s not a teenager. He’s had enough sex to know that he gets off on being submissive. He knows that he sometimes likes to be called a brat and put in his place. He knows that he likes things a little rough. It’s not a big deal. So what if he likes things a little rough? He can enjoy a guy slapping his ass. He doesn’t want it to get whipped with a cane or anything. He experimented enough in his early twenties to learn that he doesn’t want to seek out an actual Dom. And there are plenty of guys who are just toppy enough to make him happy without making a big deal about it. It leaves him longing for something he can’t place, but if the alternative is being with a guy who’s _too_ rough, TK will pass. Besides, it’s not like TK wants it that way all the time. If things could just continue on into sex, then Carlos probably wouldn’t notice a thing.

Except they can’t do anything more than make out and Carlos insists that they have to stop when TK gets too worked up because he might get hurt.

“Easy Tiger. Let’s calm down,” Carlos says as he pulls away. TK whines and grabs at him. Carlos catches his wrists and holds him still. TK can’t help putting up a little bit of a fight just to feel Carlos tighten his grip. He can’t make Carlos wrestle because Carlos will worry about hurting him, but he can push just enough to get the idea. Carlos’s mouth shifts into a smile.

“I know this is a thing for you.”

TK looks away from him. His face feels so hot that his whole face must be pink. Carlos takes both his wrists in one hand and cups his cheek with the other.

“If I let go of your wrists, can you be good for me?”

TK nods. He wants to be good. It’s embarrassing how much he wants Carlos to tell him that he’s good. Carlos lets go of his wrists. He strokes up TK’s chest and his hand wraps loosely around TK’s neck. He doesn’t tighten his grip. It’s just enough to let them both know that he _could_.

“You’re so beautiful,” Carlos says. “I can try to take you down without doing anything that will hurt you if you want.”

TK doesn’t know how to answer that. He knows what Carlos means. He’s done enough research. But he’s never actually experienced sub space. Sure, he’s heard of getting to it from something other than the things in New York scene that scared him away, but he’s never had anyone try it. None of the guys he met were ever into it unless he was into them doing something that he just couldn’t be ready for as soon as they wanted him to be. It’s either too weird, or not enough for them.

“TK?” Carlos asks and he lets go of TK’s throat to rub over his arms like he’s trying to get TK to wake up. “I was going to say I needed to ask you a few things before it was an option either way, but if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then it should be a bigger discussion. Or not, if I read you wrong.”

“I know what you’re talking about,” TK says. He can’t help casting his eyes down, but he doesn’t want Carlos to change his mind or decide they need to talk about it more when he’s already starting to feel good. “I want it.”

“Safeword?”

“Manhattan.”

“Okay. Use it even if it’s just because you don’t like something, okay? Since we probably haven’t talked about this enough.”

TK nods again. With anyone else, TK wouldn’t agree so quickly, but it’s Carlos. Carlos won’t even have sex with him until a doctor says that he can. He’s not going to do anything TK doesn’t like.

“Sit up for me.” Carlos helps him sit up so he can pull TK’s t-shirt over his back. Instead of pulling it all the way off, he tangles it around TK’s wrists. TK could easily get free, but it’s a reminder of how Carlos wants him. Carlos’s hands ghost over his chest. He looks at TK like he’s something to be cherished and not the disaster that TK feels like. TK knows that he’s attractive, but he’s not used to being studied so intensely and openly. He tries to push closer, but Carlos holds him away.

“Be still. Let me look at you. Be good for me.”

TK freezes. He can’t help the shiver that runs though his body when Carlos runs his thumb over TK’s nipple, but Carlos just smiles and leans forward to take it in his mouth. He pulls away before TK can even enjoy it.

“When you’re better, we’ll do more. I promise, but not yet.”

Carlos’s hand moves to the back of TK’s neck and stays there as Carlos sits up against the headboard. He directs TK’s head to rest on his thigh. His hand presses down just hard enough that TK feels held in place. When TK shifts, the pressure on the back of his head increases just enough to make him stop.

“Stay where you are, cariño. Be good for me.”

TK lets out a breath and the tension starts to flow out of his body. His mind shuts everything out except the smell of Carlos’s skin under his cheek and the gentle but firm pressure of Carlos holding him down.

“There you go.”

TK isn’t sure how long it is before the pressure of Carlos’s hand against his head lessons and his fingers start to comb through TK’s hair.

“Come on. It’s time to come back up.” TK kind of wants to resist, and maybe Carlos can tell because he chuckles. He slides down the bed, untangles the shirt that’s still around TK’s wrists and pulls TK to rest on his chest. TK didn’t even come, and Carlos still has his shirt on, but TK feels completely spent.

“Are you with me, cariño?” Carlos asks. He rubs TK’s back with firmer strokes and TK snuggles against him. “How do you feel?”

“Amazing. Exhausted.”

“You’re so beautiful like that. I know we didn’t do anything strenuous, but I still want to get you some water before you fall asleep, okay?”

TK nods, but he still whines and clings when Carlos moves to get up.

“Easy. I’ll be right back.” Carlos kisses his forehead and TK lets him go. True to his word, Carlos is back in seconds. He hands TK a glass of water and strips off his shirt before taking the glass back and climbing back in bed. TK curls back up to him immediately.

“You can sleep now, but we need to talk about this tomorrow, okay?”

TK nods. That’s definitely a problem for future TK to worry about.

***

**TK:** I know you wanted to talk tonight and I agreed, but my dad is home and he’s off tomorrow too. I forgot he’d changed his schedule and I don’t get to see him as much when I’m not working with him.  
 **TK:** And I can’t tell my dad, “Carlos wants to talk about some dom/sub stuff that we did…”  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Yeah. I’m going to vote that you don’t tell your dad that. You’re ok, right? I didn’t want to wake you up too much when I left in the morning, but I need you to talk to me if you’re dropping.  
 **TK:** I’m fine. We didn’t do anything crazy.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I know you’re tired of everyone worrying about you, but let me worry a little about this, okay? We didn’t talk about it as much as I would have liked.  
 **TK:** Ok. I’ll call you tonight if that will make you feel better, but I promise I’m not dropping or anything.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** It will make me feel better.  
 **TK:** Sorry I forgot about my dad. In my defense, I was distracted when we made plans.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Babe. It’s okay. As long as nothing’s wrong.  
 **TK:** Nothing’s wrong. I just want to go to his chemo appointment later and stay with him.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Of course. Call me whenever you’re free tonight.

***

“You can invite him over for dinner if you want,” his dad says while TK is still looking at his phone.

“No. It’s okay. I’ll call him tonight. I don’t have to see him every day,” TK says.

“How often were you seeing him before?”

His dad tries to act like it’s a casual question, but he did the same thing when TK tried not to give him details in high school.

“Once a week. Sometimes less. I wasn’t sneaking him out the window. It wasn’t serious.”

“But it’s serious now?” He sits next to TK on the couch, drapes his arm over the back, and waves for TK to come closer. TK’s told him that he’s too old to cuddle with his father a million times, but he’s glad that his dad never stops asking. It’s possible that he’s stopped resisting completely since he found out his dad had lung cancer.

“It’s not _that_ serious,” TK says from under his arm. “Are you trying to marry me off or something?”

“Oh, no. He has a long way to go before I get there. In fact, now that we’re in in the south, I might be coming around to this ‘asking permission’ thing Judd thinks is important.”

“No. Seriously. No. That’s weird. But also, I don’t think I’m ready to have this argument as a joke yet.” TK knows that Carlos isn’t sleeping with his trainer, and TK isn’t in love with Alex anymore, but the memory of his rejection still hurts.

“Sorry.”

TK closes his eyes as his dad pulls him closer and kisses the top of his head. He has to beat cancer.

“I forgot that you were off today, so I had to cancel on him to hang out with you,” TK says.

“You didn’t have to do that. I know you’re still in that stage where you want to be around each other all the time.”

“A little,” TK admits.

“I saw him on a call this morning. Nothing serious. It was just a car accident they ended up not needing us for. I could tell when you texted him from a distance. He couldn’t stop smiling at his phone.”

TK smiles but he doesn’t answer right away.

“Alex used to say he didn’t understand why I’d want to spend time with you instead of him because I saw you at work anyway,” TK says. “We fought about it.”

“You never told me that.”

“I wanted you to like him,” TK says as he snuggles closer into his dad’s arms. “Carlos didn’t mind that I canceled. He got it.”

“Well, I like Carlos so far. He seems like a good man.”

“I think he is,” TK turns to hide his smile in his dad’s chest. “I really like him.”

His dad laughs and hugs him closer.

“Well, if it doesn’t work out, Judd says he has more guns than Carlos and he’s been shooting since before Carlos was born.”

TK groans.

“How is that even possible? Judd’s not that old.”

“Apparently, he got his first gun for Christmas when he was eight and he’s been preparing for this since then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Judd’s opinions on owning guns are not mine, but it’s Texas and I have to be somewhat realistic. Also, Judd doesn’t know exactly how old Carlos is, but math says Judd has to be at least 38, so Judd thinks this is possible. As for the story about getting a gun for Christmas when he was 8? That was me. I’m from Texas and my sister and I literally got guns for Christmas when I was 8 and she was 11. No, I’m not suggesting that anyone should do that. My parents also allowed us to play with knives. Country living in Texas in the early 90s was interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

👮♂Carlos 🔥: My place or yours? I’m off the next two days.  
TK: Doesn’t matter. My dad will be gone by the time you get here if you want to come over.  
👮♂Carlos 🔥: No demands to make you breakfast?  
TK: I can feed myself.  
👮♂Carlos 🔥: Uh huh. Your dad didn’t make you breakfast?  
TK: I *can* feed myself. He wanted to make me breakfast. It made him feel better. He’s still being weird and overprotective.  
👮♂Carlos 🔥: Judd would like me to go to get drinks with him.  
TK: Come over. Ignore Judd.

***

TK: No. Leave Carlos alone.  
🤠 Judd: He’s from Texas. He’s not surprised.  
TK: I’m not from Texas. If my dad didn’t threaten him, why do you think you get to threaten him?  
🤠 Judd: Because that’s how this works.  
TK: You can’t threaten a police officer.  
🤠 Judd: I can if he’s dating my little brother.  
TK: I did not realize what I was signing up for. How does disowning work?  
🤠 Judd: Too late. 

***

“I missed you,” TK says as he pulls Carlos into his house. It’s ridiculous how true it is. He shouldn’t miss Carlos so much after only two days. It probably doesn’t help that he’s still off work. He should be tired of both his dad and Carlos hovering so much, but at least they keep him entertained. He’s not confined to his home, but when his dad’s working, all his friends are also working.

“I missed you, too.”

Carlos kisses him, but he keeps the kiss slow and holds TK back when he tries to push. TK’s not surprised. Carlos hasn’t let him push for sex since the very first time they hooked up.

“I’m concerned that it was a bad idea to let you find out that I’m somehow turned on by you telling me ‘no.’”

Carlos laughs.

“You know it’s not exactly like that right?” Carlos says. “For one thing, that’s not at all why I’ve ever done it. If it was, we’d have gotten here a lot sooner.”

“You knew I was into this stuff?” TK tries to think about times when he’s been more obvious, but he’s not even sure what tipped Carlos off a couple days ago.

Carlos stares at him for long enough that TK starts to look away.

“Did _you_ know you were into it? Because you seemed like you did. If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have continued it. Maybe I shouldn’t have either way, but you went down so easily. You were half-way there before I realized it.”

“I knew,” TK tells him. “I didn’t realize it was obvious.”

“Hey. I wouldn’t say it’s obvious,” Carlos says before leading him by the hand to the couch. “I didn’t figure it out the first time we hooked up and it’s not like it’s obvious to anyone who isn’t involved with you.”

“But you didn’t say anything before.” TK feels like he missed something in their relationship that he should’ve seen.

“I feel like we flirted with it,” Carlos says. “But it didn’t feel right to go that far when I wasn’t sure what we were doing in general. I’m not saying that’s never okay, but it didn’t feel right this time. At first it was hard enough to get you to talk to me in general. You were holding back a lot and I knew there were issues that I didn’t have the details of, so I was worried about how it would go. As it is, we really should’ve talked first.”

TK nods. It’s not that he didn’t know that Carlos was flirting in a dominate way and that he was encouraging it. He just didn’t think Carlos figured out that he wanted more than just a really toppy partner.

“Can I ask you some questions about this? Because I can move at your pace with our relationship, but if we’re doing this, I need to know some things. I can wait for that too, obviously, but I don’t think we should explore submission until we can talk about it more.”

Carlos’s thumb moves over the back of his hand while he talks. He has that little wrinkle between his eyes and this time, TK gives in and strokes his finger down between Carlos’s eyes to smooth it out.

“Stop looking so worried,” TK says. Carlos swats his hand away, but he laughs. “You can ask.”

“Okay. I guess I have to ask if you usually go down so easily. I’ve been with a couple guys who were into it and they didn’t always need something really rough, but I’ve never had someone start to enter subspace without me trying. I wasn’t originally planning to go there and then I looked at you and you were already on the way. I was worried that if I just pulled you back up and stopped it, you’d drop really badly and push me away and not let me help you.”

Of course, he’d ask something TK can’t answer.

“TK?”

“I don’t know,” TK admits. He can’t look at Carlos, but he hears Carlos suck in a breath. “I’d never actually gotten there before.”

“You said you knew what I was talking about. I _asked_.”

“I did! I’ve tried before to find someone. But I could never find someone I trusted and all the guys I met in the scene in New York wanted to do things that I didn’t want, or I wasn’t ready for until I knew them better. Eventually, I just stopped trying to find a guy who wanted what I wanted.”

“Did anyone hurt you?” Carlos asks softly.

“No. I used my safeword. They said we weren’t compatible. Then I met Alex and he was very obviously not into it and I figured I didn’t really need that stuff.”

Carlos nods. “Do you want to do it again?”

“Yes. Not every time we have sex. But sometimes. I liked how we did it. Not that I don’t want there to be sex. I definitely want there to be sex.”

“Really? I had no idea that you’ve missed sex.” Carlos says.

TK shoves his shoulder.

“Sorry,” Carlos says. “I shouldn’t interrupt.”

“I liked that it wasn’t a big thing that we planned,” TK continues. “I mean, I want to try some other things with it, but I think it felt better because it just felt right and wasn’t a big event. I just feel like sometimes I want to push what we already do a little further, but not all the time. Just when it feels right.”

“You realize I’m only going to feel good about that if I ask you a lot of questions about what you like. So far, I’ve figured out you like being held down and restrained. Kneeling and variations on that. And probably handcuffs?”

“To be fair the handcuffs are either a new thing or a you thing,” TK interrupts with a smirk. “It’s your fault. You just grabbed my wrist and then took them off. It was disappointing. I almost considered getting arrested again when I knew you were working.”

“Okay. See, this is that line we’ve been walking. I swear sometimes you’re just asking for me to make you submit. Do you have any idea how hard it’s been to ignore that?”

“So maybe just stop ignoring it all the time.”

***

“You haven’t been to the doctor. You’re not approved to have sex.”

At this point, TK knows how his attempts are going to go, but he has to try even if he’s content to just lie in Carlos’s arms while they watch a movie.

“You know my dad isn’t going to somehow find out if we have sex.”

“He will if you get hurt,” Carlos says. His fingers brush TK’s chest under his stitches. “And you know it’s not really about your dad. I said it before he did.”

TK nods. Yes, he thinks it’s stupid. The stitches are starting to inch and it’s getting to the point where he just wants them out, but he doesn’t remember getting shot and he obviously doesn’t remember his coma. Carlos and his dad suffered more than he did because they had to sit by his bed and wait.

“Michelle told my dad that you used the sirens to get to the hospital faster when you found out that I was shot.”

“Technically, Maria did because she insisted on driving, but I would’ve made her.” Carlos presses a kiss to his shoulder. He never shies away from admitting how much he cares no matter how many times TK has pushed him away.

“I got hurt a few times in New York. Nothing like this. Just smoke inhalation and a couple bad cuts,” TK says with his eyes on the Netflix menu. “Alex never came to the hospital.”

“He’s an idiot. He didn’t deserve you,” Carlos says as he kisses the back of TK’s neck. “I might’ve made my friend give me a police escort to the hospital after you pulled that lady out of the bus.”

TK laughs.

“You knew I was fine.”

“You were bleeding.” Carlos’s breath is hot as he buries his face in the back of TK’s neck.

“I’d just broken up with you.”

“You didn’t break up with me. You told me honestly that you weren’t in a place where you could have a relationship,” Carlos says. “I wasn’t planning to just stop talking to you. I still cared.”

TK pulls Carlos’s arms tighter around him. He’s not ready to say the word love yet. He’s not ready to hear it either. He doesn’t even think they’re actually in love yet. But Carlos makes him feel like he can be loved. Like he should be. And that’s everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My state is officially sheltered in place until the end of May so I hope no one is tired of me posting all the time.


	4. Chapter 4

**TK:** I’m bored. 😢  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I’m sorry, but I’m working, and we just got a call.  
 **TK:** Does that mean I can’t send you pictures?  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** PG pictures, or I’m turning off my phone.  
 **TK:** You can’t turn off your phone. 😱 What if it’s an emergency?  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** If it’s an emergency, hang up and call 911.  
 **TK:** 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Baby, I know you’re bored. I will call you on my break. I promise.

***

**🤠 Judd:** I’m coming over at 7 with food from Grace.  
 **TK:** I don’t remember inviting you.  
 **🤠 Judd:** I saw your cop on our last call. His phone went off five times while I was talking to him.  
 **TK:** How does that translate to you coming over?  
 **🤠 Judd:** He said you were bored. Your dad is on the late shift and so is your boy.  
 **TK:** I want to go back to work.  
 **🤠 Judd:** The captain says two more weeks. At least.  
 **TK:** I get my stitches out the day after tomorrow.

***

“So why didn’t your boyfriend want to admit that he was officially your boyfriend when I asked him directly?” Judd asks before TK’s even finished eating. TK feels zero guilt about Judd sitting at the counter and watching him eat. If he wants anything, he can help himself.

“Because I told him not to because you’re already being weird and trying to threaten him. He was just trying to do what I asked him to do.” 

“You don’t think he can handle it?” 

TK rolls his eyes.

“He says it’s fine. _I_ think it’s weird. My dad didn’t even threaten him. And everyone knows Carlos doesn’t deserve it. If anyone has been difficult in this relationship, we all know that it’s me.” TK focuses on his food, so he doesn’t see Judd’s initial reaction.

“Is that what he thinks?” Judd asks in a softer voice than TK is used to.

“No. He says that I was honest about needing time before getting into a relationship in the beginning so I shouldn’t feel bad about making him wait,” TK says.

“That sounds about right,” Judd says. “Listen, I didn’t know everything going on with you when you first got here. But knowing what I know now, it makes sense you weren’t ready to start anything yet. I have other friends in recovery. I know you’re not supposed to start a new relationship right after a relapse and you’d also just ended a different serious relationship. I know he probably didn’t know all that right away, but if I’d known it, I would’ve told him to back the fuck off of you until you were ready.”

Judd taps the table next to him when he doesn’t look up. “I know there’s still things you haven’t told me and that’s fine, but I also know he started going after you as soon as he saw you.”

“How would you even know when I started seeing him?” TK never let anyone find out except Paul.

“You really think that I don’t pay attention to you? I know it’s Austin. I know it’s a hell of a lot better here than a lot of other places, but I didn’t have like you to keep an eye on you when we went out to the bar. And I about came outside for a talk with him after the way he grabbed you and got on you when he picked you up at the station. I would have if Paul hadn’t come out of the station and gone with you.”

“Oh my god.” TK covers his face with his hands while Judd laughs at him. “How did you notice when my dad didn’t?”

“The captain’s had a lot on his mind. He’s used to New York. And I’ve been told it’s a lot easier to miss the differences if you don’t have a reason to notice.” Judd ruffles his hair and TK swats away his hand.

“Whatever. You still missed stuff,” TK says.

“Oh, I know you got into some trouble after we had that argument. I don’t know what happened, and I haven’t been able to find out, but that busted lip wasn’t from the corn silo no matter what you told everyone else. I had to talk to you again because you clearly weren’t going to stay out of trouble on your own.”

“I was fine,” TK says, but he knows that’s not really true, so he adds, “Okay, I wasn’t fine. I was messed up. But Carlos told me I was idiot too and he was nicer about it, so I didn’t need anyone else knowing.”

“He was nicer about it because he wanted in your pants.”

TK shakes his head even though Judd’s joking.

“He was nicer about it after I’d rejected him and walked away from him,” TK tells him. “He’s a really good guy. You don’t need to threaten him.”

“Aw, hell. I know that,” Judd says. “Why do you think I came over here so he’d stop worrying about you? Doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep watching out for you, too. You haven’t been here but a few months and trouble’s already found you every few weeks.”

***

**TK:** How bad was Judd?  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Not bad at all. Don’t worry about it. Sorry I kind of had to confirm that we were boyfriends or he was going to go off about me not claiming you or something.  
 **TK:** It’s ok. I’m not hiding you. I just didn’t want to him to do the whole, “if you hurt him, I’ll kill you and bury your body somewhere no one will find it.”  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** He tacked that on, but it’s not that scary after he brought me food while you were in the hospital.  
 **TK:** He did?  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Sometimes it was his wife. She said he wanted to be there more, but he knew taking over for your dad meant that your dad could stay with you.  
 **TK:** I feel like I need to find out everything people did while I was sleeping. Why didn’t anyone tell me that?  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Probably because they didn’t think you’d be surprised by it. You were in a coma. That’s what people do.  
 **TK:** Sorry if I was driving you crazy earlier.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Don’t be. Text me as much as you want. I just might not be able to answer you.  
 **TK:** 😈  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** PG selfies only while I’m working!  
 **TK:** So I can send you others after you’re off work?  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I’m not going to stop you, but I am going to sleep right after I get off work because I have to get up and work again in the morning.  
 **TK:** So you’ll have something fun to wake up to. 😇

***

**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** It literally took me twenty minutes to drive home from work. Did you just take pictures all day and save them until you were allowed to send them?  
 **TK:** Not while Judd was here.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I sure hope not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have lost my Texas accent completely, but somehow I can still write Judd without thinking. I enjoyed writing him for this chapter so much.
> 
> In other news I have annoyed characters in 2 of my 3 911/911 Lonestar fics because I refuse to just let these characters jump back into work unrealistically so Eddie and TK are annoyed with me. (If you're counting, yes, that means another fic is coming out soon. I'm sheltered in place alone for 31 more days at least. I'm more restless than TK. I have 10 WIPs and I just can't stop.)


	5. Chapter 5

**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I’m going to e-mail you a list of stuff. If you want me to just play dom/sub stuff by ear, I still need to know what you’re okay with. Just e-mail it back.  
**TK:** Yeah, I can do that.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I feel like you agreed too easily…  
**TK:** I’m very bored. I’ve done way too many buzzfeed quizzes. This is better than buzzfeed quizzes.  
**TK:** Also, if I finish it and send it back quickly, then you have to think about it in your e-mail the whole time you’re at work…  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** And that’s troublemaker I know.  
**TK:** You like it.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I really do. Text me if you don’t understand anything and I’ll answer on my lunch break.

***

 **TK:** I have questions.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Okay. About?  
**TK:** If I put a lot of stars and happy emojis around “rimming” does that mean you’ll do it?  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Tyler Kennedy Strand. You know that’s not what I meant when I said to text me with questions.  
**TK:** Did I know that?  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** You definitely did.  
**TK:** I have another question.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Is it a real question or are you just trying to make me get hard in front of Michelle?  
**TK:** If I make you get hard in front of Michelle, will you spank me?  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** This is your last chance to ask a real question.  
**TK:** Is it ok that I made notes on stuff? Some of the things are not just yes or no or maybe.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Yes, of course. And we can talk about anything you want to talk about. Or you can e-mail me notes if it’s just easier for you than talking about things.  
**TK:** So then back to the first two questions….  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** If you can’t be good, then you’re definitely not getting either.  
**TK:** Noted.

***

 **TK Strand**  
To: Carlos Reyes

I attached the list.

Also, I don’t know how to say this, so I figured I’d write it down and maybe I wouldn’t mess it up. You pointed out that we’ve always been kind of flirting this way. And I like it and I don’t want it to stop. But I guess I want to be really clear that this isn’t something I want to extend into things that aren’t sex-related. I know this isn’t the right way to say it because what we did the other day wasn’t really sexual, but I just can’t figure out a better way to say it. I just mean, that I like when we flirt and tease and stuff with it. But I don’t want it to get to where I feel like I can’t make my own decisions and we’re not equal. Like I know you might have an opinion about how soon I’m going to want to go back to work. And we can talk about it. But you can’t just order me to not go if you don’t like it. (Also, you know I’m going to go back to work as soon as they let me, right?)

You haven’t done anything that makes me uncomfortable. I just wanted to be clear that I don’t want this to filter into actual life decisions and I don’t even want it to be something we do every time we have sex.

***

 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I read your e-mail and your list. Do we need to talk about any of it before I come over? Not that we can’t talk about it when I come over, but I thought you might be more comfortable over text/email.  
**TK:** You can just come over. I don’t even really need to talk about it. I just had to write it to figure out how to say it and then it made sense to just email it.

***

“Hey,” Carlos says as TK pulls him inside the house.

“Hi.” TK smiles at him and leans in for a kiss so sweet that Carlos can’t imagine that things almost fell apart a week ago.

“Something smells good. Did you make me dinner?”

“I ordered you dinner and put it on plates,” TK says with a proud smile and not even a little bit of shame. Carlos laughs.

“I appreciate the honesty.” Carlos gives him another kiss before pushing him back toward the kitchen.

“I don’t want to give you high expectations that I can’t meet later.”

Carlos waits until they’ve started to eat before bringing up the only part of the e-mail that he thinks they need to talk about.

“So, I just want to be clear about something,” Carlos says. “I understand what you were saying, and I get it. I do. I’m not going to try to tell you what to do all the time. We’re equals in this relationship. This is just something we do sometimes.”

“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming soon,” TK says.

“I’m still going to try too talk you out of going back to work too soon.”

“You, my dad, and Marjan,” TK says while rolling his eyes. “Go ahead. I’m still going back to work as soon as I’m approved.”

“Not Judd?”

“Judd says I ended up back in the hospital without being back at work. If I’m back at work, I’ll have all my equipment and he can keep an eye on me and help if I decide to be a dumbass.”

Carlos laughs.

“He might have a point there.”

***

“I’m getting my stitches out tomorrow. They’re going to say I’m fine.”

“We’ll see what the doctor says tomorrow.”

TK knows he’s whining and it’s probably starting to get on Carlos’s nerves, but he hates not doing anything. He wants to go back to work. He wants to go dancing. He wants to go the bar with the team and not feel left out of their stories. And he really wants to get off from something besides his own hand.

It’s maybe not the best the best argument to tell Carlos that if he can use his left hand to jack off and it doesn’t aggravate his injury then he’s fine to have sex.

“Really, TK?”

“We’ve been doing next to nothing for two weeks. Did you really think I was just going without?”

Carlos sighs. “No. I just hope you’re being careful.”

“I _did not_ injure myself jacking off. Doesn’t it bother you at all that we’re not doing anything?” It’s stupid. TK _knows_ that it’s stupid. But when Alex stopped wanting him, it was because he was getting laid somewhere else.

“ _Baby_.” Carlos smiles at him and thumbs over his bottom lip. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. Of course, I want you. All the time. I just want to be careful with you because I don’t want to hurt you.”

TK expects Carlos to kiss him and then try to calm him down. Instead, Carlos pushes him onto his back and moves to straddle his hips. He presses down on TK’s chest to hold him down.

“If you can’t be good, I’m going to stop, okay?”

TK nods.

“Lift up. Shirt off.”

TK lets Carlos help him sit up so he can pull the T-shirt TK’s wearing off over his head. Carlos cups his cheek as he helps TK lie back down.

“Stay still, cariño. Let me take care of you and don’t move.” TK gives him small nod and Carlos kisses him before sitting up.

“You’re so beautiful. How could I not want you?” Carlos trails his fingers down TK’s next to the harsh line of stitches on TK’s chest. He kisses TK’s chest right above the stitches, looks up at TK, and TK has never felt so loved in his life.

Carlos keeps his palm pressed against the center of TK’s chest as he kisses down TK’s body, only moving it for the few seconds it takes to pull off TK’s pajama pants, toss them aside, and put a pillow under TK’s hips to give him better access.

Carlos’s broad shoulders are enough to make him feel exposed and open, but he still doesn’t expect Carlos’s tongue to press against his hole. TK jolts from surprise and Carlos pulls away, looking up at TK while pushing down firmly with the hand on his chest.

“This is your only warning. I don’t want to tie you down because you might hurt yourself pushing against it. You have to be still if you want this. Can you be good for me or do we need to stop?”

“I can be good,” TK gasps out. “I can be good. I promise.”

He wants to be good for Carlos all the time, but especially if it means Carlos will take him apart with his tongue. Carlos licks, sucks, and pushes his tongue inside until TK starts begging for more.

“Okay. I got you. You’re being so good for me. You can come when you’re ready.” He’s wet enough from Carlos’s tongue that it’s easy for Carlos to press his fingers inside as he takes TK’s cock into his mouth. The hand on TK’s chest slides up to wrap around TK’s neck. Carlos doesn’t squeeze hard, but the pressure combined with Carlos’s lips around his cock and the fingers relentlessly rubbing his prostate makes TK white out and come down Carlos’s throat.

Carlos’s hand stays at on his throat as Carlos sits up. Carlos squeezes just a little tighter, but it’s enough to make TK close his eyes and drift as Carlos comes on his stomach. He’s so focused on the hand around his throat that he barely registers Carlos wiping off his stomach.

“You did so good, baby. So good. Relax. Let go. You’re doing so good.” Carlos says in a low voice and TK feels everything left in his mind go blank until all he can think about his Dom’s hand around his throat and the calm safe voice above him.

He’s still floating as Carlos releases him, lies down next him, and pulls TK to rest over his chest. TK whines without thinking and Carlos shushes him, puts his hand on the back of TK’s neck and squeezes to settle him and hold him down.

TK doesn’t feel ready Carlos starts combing through his hair.

“It’s okay. You can take your time.” TK nuzzles against his chest. He whines when Carlos makes him drink some water, and Carlos kisses him and whispers in Spanish. He doesn’t want to come back to the real world, but slowly he lets Carlos coax him there.

“Hey, sweetheart. Are you with me?”

TK nods lazily.

“Yeah. I’m not sure I believe that. Are you okay if I get up and go get you something?”

TK clings tighter to him without thinking.

“Okay. We can wait a bit,” Carlos tells him and continues the soft circles he’s drawing in TK’s back.

Eventually TK has an easier time loosening his grip.

“I’ll be really quick,” Carlos says before kissing his forehead and getting up. He’s back in less than a minute but it still feels too long. TK curls back against him immediately and lets Carlos feed him pieces of an apple. The sugar has the effect Carlos was probably looking for and TK eventually feels kind of weird for being so clingy and sits up.

“Hey. Don’t freak out on me,” Carlos says and gently prods TK back to him. “You were amazing. You were so good. You were so, so beautiful and I love that you let me see you like that. You were perfect.”

When TK looks at the clock, it’s a lot later than he expected.

“I was down a while?”

“You were and then you didn’t seem to want to come back up. But there’s nothing wrong with that. I like taking care of you. I like that you let me. And it’s kind of amazing that you seem to go down because I tell you to. Now I’m kind of wondering if that’s what does it more than anything physical.”

“Is that weird?” TK can’t help asking. “I mean, I felt like I was close before but…”

“I think you shouldn’t worry so much about being normal or weird,” Carlos says. He kisses TK before TK can argue. “I think it’s amazing, okay? Not that I want you to feel like you can’t go down from other things, but the way you really let go when I talk you into it? I’m not going to pretend I don’t like it. I really, really do, so don’t feel anything negative about it, okay?”

Put that way, it seems like something special instead of something weird. TK hides his smile in Carlos’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, not working puts TK in a weird place and I'm about as ready for him to get back to work as he is, but also, he got shot so that's still not realistic.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switch points of view because who needs to have rules about fan fiction while in quarantine.

**TK:** Stitches out. Healing just right. 🎉 🕺  
**Carlos:** That’s amazing babe.  
**TK:** Celebrate when you’re off work?  
**Carlos:** Yes, of course. But what *exactly* did the doctor say?  
**TK:** You should know that I had to specifically ask him if I could have sex. In front of my dad.  
**Carlos:** 1\. You could have asked your dad to leave. You’re just being a brat to both of us.  
**Carlos:** 2\. You could have been patient and waited until you were fully healed and then you wouldn’t have had to be specific.  
**Carlos:** 3\. What did he say?  
**TK:** 1\. Rude. 2. Also rude. 3. I can have sex as long a we’re careful and don’t go too crazy. So no rough sex. ☹  
**Carlos:** We can make that work.  
**Carlos:** What did he say about going back to work?  
**TK:** I have to wait longer. Go back to the doctor in a week and see what he says. 😭 😭 😭  
**Carlos:** I’m sorry.  
**TK:** But you’re not really.  
**Carlos:** I want you to be able to go back to work when you’re healthy. I’m sorry that you can’t because I know you want to go back. I’m not sorry that they’re not going to let you push yourself too much. You’ll just get hurt and be out longer.  
**TK:** I’m eating dinner without you because I’m hungry.  
**Carlos:** I know you’re saying that because you’re upset but you really should anyway. I’ll come get you after my shift.  
**TK:** Okay.  
**Carlos:** I didn’t mean to upset you. Do you want me to call?  
**TK:** No. You’re at work. I’m fine. I’m just in a mood.  
**Carlos:** Ok. If you change your mind, I can get away to call for minute.

*

 **TK:** Do you ever bottom?  
**Carlos:** I have.  
**TK:** You have and you don’t want to again or you’re open to it?  
**Carlos:** I’m at work TK. Can we talk about it when I’m off work?  
**TK:** Sorry. I keep bothering you at work.  
**Carlos:** It’s okay. I don’t mind, but this is a little more than I can text about at work. We’ll talk when I get off work, ok?  
**TK:** Ok

***

Carlos isn’t sure what’s going on with TK. He hates that he’s still too scared to tell TK that he’s in love with him. Every time TK gets scared or insecure, Carlos wants to say it and every time, he stops himself because it might make TK panic. But he still stares at his phone and almost types it. He still wants to call and say those words over and over until TK understands. Carlos has had relationships before. He’s been in love before. But he’s never been with someone who balances him so well and knocks him off balance so much at the same time. He knows that Judd was probably right when he said that Carlos should have given TK more time after finding out that he’d recently relapsed, but they’re past that now and Carlos can’t imagine that trying to give TK space when he’s obviously bored and frustrated and lonely will be a good thing. If Carlos didn’t want to put up with some mood swings, he should’ve backed off a long time ago. With everything that TK has been through, it could be a lot worse.

So, Carlos is glad that he has excuses to go home after his shift and re-center himself. By the time he’s pulled up in front of TK’s house, he’s not only had time to listen to Michelle tell him that TK cares about him and isn’t going to run away. She also let Iris use her phone because apparently some things are important enough for Iris to fight against the tricks her mind is playing on her. Iris still won’t let them take her back into the world, but if Iris can still figure out what Carlos is talking around and yell at him that he shouldn’t be so scared of letting TK in _literally_ while Michelle laughs at his embarrassment, then his friend is still in there somewhere.

TK doesn’t give him a chance to get out of the car. He slides into the passenger seat but doesn’t look at Carlos and go for a kiss right away. Even before they were officially together, he’s almost always greeted Carlos with a kiss.

“I’m sorry,” TK says without looking at him. “I know what I asked was weird. I’m just having an off day. You can forget I asked.”

“TK,” Carlos says, and TK looks at him. “It’s okay. You caught me off-guard and I was at work, but it’s okay.”

Carlos reaches for him and TK comes to him easily. For once, he doesn’t push, but he doesn’t just let Carlos take over either. When they separate, TK smiles at him and his hand comes up to cup Carlos’s cheek. His thumb brushes over Carlos’s lips.

“You always smile when you kiss me.”

Carlos can’t stop himself from smiling bigger. It never shows when he blushes, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the heat in his face.

“Well, I like you. A lot,” Carlos kisses him again and then sits back so that he can drive, but after he’s on the road, he reaches over to take TK’s hand. “I saw Iris this afternoon before you called. Michelle and I went to have lunch with her.”

TK squeezes his hand.

“How’s she doing?”

“In and out. I have to take off my radio before she’ll let me come near her. But sometimes she’s like she used to be. Like when she asks me about you.”

“Yeah? What does she think?”

“Well, she’s definitely going to threaten you when she meets you, so you don’t need to feel bad about Judd. And she thinks you’re gorgeous. And then she asked me a lot of personal questions that I wasn’t going to answer in front of Michelle.” Carlos shakes his head. As much as Iris breaks his heart and scares him, there’s a selfish part of him that is just glad to have his friend back even if it’s in bits and pieces.

“I want to meet her. When you guys think she’s ready,” TK says as he squeezes Carlos’s hand. TK really doesn’t give himself enough credit. Not a lot of guys would want to meet their boyfriend’s friend who is schizophrenic and lives in a homeless camp. But Carlos can tell that TK means what he’s saying.

“I’m not sure _I’m_ ready. If she likes you, I’m screwed. She has _stories_. Stories I’m not telling Michelle about because Michelle is friends with your father.”

TK laughs.

“I can’t wait to meet her.”

***

“So, um, you’ve never seemed interested in topping before,” Carlos says when they’re alone in his apartment. It’s fair. TK is a little shy about submitting, but even that seems to go away quickly now that he knows Carlos is into it. When he’s not in a submissive mood, he’s not even a little shy about asking Carlos to fuck him. Still, Carlos isn’t surprised when he curls in on himself the way he does sometimes when they talk about his feelings.

“I don’t usually want to.” TK shrugs. Tension Carlos didn’t know he was carrying relaxes. It’s stupid to want to read TK’s desires, but he can’t help being happy that he hasn’t just been missing something. “It’s just, you know, sometimes I’m in the mood. But it’s not a big deal if you’re not into it. It’s not something I want often enough to mind if I don’t get it.”

“I don’t usually want to, but I can. And I get in the mood to bottom sometimes, too. I just haven’t lately. You didn’t seem to care, so I didn’t bring it up. But I can if you want to. I don’t hate it.” If he’s honest with himself, mostly he’s just too lazy to worry about it.

“‘I don’t hate it’ isn’t exactly the enthusiastic consent that turns me on.” TK says as he comes closer. “Seriously. I asked because I wanted to know, but it’s not a big deal. There are a lot of other ways for us to deal with me being in a toppy mood.”

Carlos drapes his arms over TK’s shoulders and smiles at him. “Well, I _am_ going to make you go slow no matter what we do. This way you have your own motivation. Because you’re definitely going to have to go slow. It’s been a few years.”

“Years?”

“Yes, years. It’s not…something I’m comfortable doing with just anyone. But I would’ve asked you if I’d been in the mood before you were. Probably.”

“Only probably?” TK asks.

Carlos shrugs. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to.”

“You know you can ask me for stuff, too. Because I don’t know if you’ve met yourself, but no one is ever going to meet you and not think you’re a top. If you’re in the mood to bottom sometimes, you should tell me to stop being a needy bottom and take care of you for once.”

Carlos laughs as TK nuzzles his neck and follows with light kisses. “Noted, but you know I like you that way.”

“I know,” TK says with a smile. “But today you’re okay with me wanting something different?”

“Yeah. I’ll tell you if I’m not.”

Logically, Carlos knows that riding TK would be a better idea for TK’s physical limits. But it would also not be exactly what TK seems like he’s looking for, so Carlos lies back on his bed and lets TK climb over him once they’re both stripped down to their underwear.

“You’re nervous,” TK points out. When Carlos looks at him, his expression is soft and without the teasing they often trade back and forth. Maybe he’s not in love the way Carlos is, but he _cares_ and that’s enough for Carlos to hope he’ll catch up when he’s ready.

“Did you miss the part about years? I’m okay. Just really slow and careful, okay?”

TK kisses him and it’s exactly the kind of kiss Carlos was always trying to get in the beginning while TK fought him and pushed for more. It’s possible that TK is trying to comfort him by giving him what he wants, but it feels more like it’s evening them both out and calming them both down. TK takes his time exploring Carlos’s body like no one ever has. He trails kisses down Carlos’s chest, up his arm. He presses kisses to the insides of his elbows and looks up at him with a soft smile that makes Carlos feel like his heart is going to come out of his chest. He still jolts a little when TK’s finger brushes over his hole for the first time. The bottle of lube is still where they left it on the bed, so he must have wet his finger in his mouth without Carlos noticing.

“Hey,” TK soothes him with a soft voice and one hand rubbing his hip. “Not rushing and we can change course whenever you want.”

Carlos nods and tries to relax. It doesn’t work right away, but TK’s finger just stays on his hole brushing over and rubbing in circles without pushing inside while his lips continue to explore Carlos’s body. Carlos is hard, but not desperate. It’s a slow build but eventually the light touch doesn’t feel like enough.

“More,” Carlos says. “You can do more.”

TK doesn’t ask if he sure, but after he lubes up the fingers on his left hand, he finds Carlos’s left hand with his right and threads their fingers together. His soft kisses continue on Carlos’s thigh as his finger circles over Carlos’s hole again before pressing inside. It’s slower than Carlos has ever fingered someone else. Probably slower than any of the few men he’s bottomed for have prepared him. TK starts with just the tip of his finger and doesn’t push in all the way until Carlos gets impatient and pushes down. He can feel TK’s lips pause, but TK doesn’t say anything as his finger explores deeper. Carlos doesn’t feel desperate for it yet, but it’s not uncomfortable the way he remembers. Probably because no other partner has ever taken twenty minutes to just get one finger inside him.

“Okay to try another?” TK asks looking up at him and Carlos nods.

TK finally takes Carlos into his mouth as he presses the second finger inside. It helps, but Carlos still squeezes his hand and tenses up. TK pulls the second finger out and goes back to one.

“Sorry. I’m fine. I don’t know why I did that. Keep trying.” He feels kind of stupid, but TK just nods and goes back to work on his cock. This time he teases with his second finger for a while before easing both inside. It’s still uncomfortable but it’s less of a surprise and with TK working his mouth, Carlos is able to breathe through it and relax.

He still jolts and chokes TK a little when TK finds his prostate.

“Sorry.”

TK pulls off his cock and shakes his head and laughs.

“Don’t apologize. I’m fine.” When he goes back down, he leaves himself some space as his fingers massage the same spot again. This might not be something Carlos craves regularly, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel amazing once he’s there. Everything starts to feel too slow and soon he’s pushing back against TK’s fingers and asking for more.

When TK adds a third finger, Carlos pulls on his hair to get him to pull off his cock.

“You’re not going to be able to fuck me if I come from your mouth,” Carlos says. “Come here. Kiss me.”

TK works his fingers as they kiss long and slow until Carlos has to pull away.

“I’m good. I’m ready.”

“You sure?”

“Mostly. You’re still going to have to go slow, but yeah.”

Carlos thinks TK probably still underestimated how slow he was going to have to go. If Carlos ever eased into him little by little the way that TK has to, TK would probably whine and push and accuse him of torture. If they weren’t exploring submission and dominance, TK would definitely get tired of waiting and flip them over so he could ride Carlos at his own speed. But now TK doesn’t seem impatient at all now. He just listens and kisses Carlos. TK tells him over and over that it’s okay and it’s amazing and Carlos is doing great until he’s all the way inside.

It’s so much. Carlos knows that TK loves how big he is, but that’s something Carlos will never really understand. He’s not going to say it, but he’s never been happier that TK is average because right now he feels huge. It doesn’t hurt the way it has a couple times in the past, but it’s not comfortable yet either. Physically, it’s not too hard to handle. Emotionally…emotionally, he’s not used to feeling like someone has completely split him open.

“Hey.” TK’s voice is soft has he lies on top of Carlos and kisses his cheek. His arms rest on either side of Carlos’s head and block out the rest of the world. It should make him feel trapped, but TK’s voice just makes him feel safe. “You’re okay. It’s me. I’m going to take care of you.”

Carlos lets out a harsh breath and nods. It’s a lot. He’s never going to understand how TK wants to open himself up like this on a regular basis or how TK could do this when they still didn’t know what they were to each other.

TK starts moving slowly and stays close enough to kiss the entire time. Each thrust is long and slow and gentle. It makes Carlos shake with how loved he feels. He’s taken by surprise when TK pushes all the way inside and pauses, breath catching a little as he comes. TK kisses his neck and slowly pulls back. He pushes Carlos’s hair back from his forehead.

“I’m going to get you with my mouth, okay? Let me know if you want my fingers. I know it might be too much.”

Carlos nods. TK pulls out slowly and Carlos can’t help groaning a little. He’s going to be sore. He’s already sore.

But TK is still as good with his mouth as he always is, and Carlos has been worked up for an hour. He comes down TK’s throat without warning, but TK takes it easily.

TK crawls back up the bed to lie on his side facing Carlos.

“Hey. Are you okay? Tell me if you need anything.”

When Carlos rolls over and cuddles close to him, TK wraps him up immediately.

“I’m okay. Kind of sore, but it was good. It’s actually never been that good.”

“Good.” TK kisses his forehead before asking. “Anything hurt that I should worry about?”

“No. I’m just not going to be able to do it again for a while, so you’re going to have to deal with alternatives if you need more time to work out this mood.”

“Noted.” TK chuckles and kisses the top of his head. “ _Thank you_ for doing that for me.”

“I wanted to. I meant it when I said you can ask for it when you want it. But seriously, _how_ do you do that all the time at the drop of a hat?”

TK laughs and pulls him closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I was starting this chapter, my friend messaged me to ask how writing was going and I said, "Well, TK's decided he wants to top today so I don't know how that's going to go because I didn't see that coming."
> 
> Anyway, TK really wants to go back to work if you haven't noticed.


	7. Chapter 7

Carlos wakes up to the smell of coffee. For the first week after they officially got together, TK fell asleep before him and woke up after him because he was still recovering. Now it’s flipped completely. Twice when they’ve slept at TK’s house, Carlos has found TK awake in the middle of the night. Carlos gets it. TK’s body is used to regular workouts and the stress of being a firefighter. He still needs to be careful from his surgery, but he’s used to being worn out in a way that he can’t be right now. Carlos finds him in the living room watching TV on mute with the captions on.

“Sorry. I was trying not to wake you up,” TK says while Carlos is pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“It’s okay.”

Carlos puts his mug on the coffee table and lays down on the couch with his head on TK’s lap. TK’s hand goes immediately to his hair, and Carlos closes his eyes. Maybe he doesn’t want coffee. Maybe he just wants TK so he can doze off. He’s not sure how much time has passed when he wakes up. The TV is still on and TK is on his phone when Carlos opens is eyes and looks up.

“Hey. Your coffee is definitely cold now,” TK says with a smile.

“You’re comfortable.”

“Apparently, but if you’re awake, I need to pee.”

“You could have moved me.”

“I didn’t want to.” TK slides out from under him and picks up the cold coffee from the coffee table, walking to the kitchen to put it in the microwave before turning toward the bathroom. “I did send pictures of you to Michelle though.”

Carlos groans as he finds his phone.

 **Michelle:** I printed these so I can show Iris even if she won’t let me use my phone. I’m on the way to the camp now.  
**Carlos:** Great.  
**Michelle:** They’re adorable. But TK’s still not sleeping?  
**Carlos:** Yeah. He’s restless all the time.  
**Michelle:** Owen says he’s up at all the hours when you’re not there and he seems to sleep better when you are, but he might just be staying in bed with you even though he’s awake.  
**Carlos:** It’s probably a mix.  
**Michelle:** He also said y’all are allowed to have sex now as long as you’re careful so he hopes that will help TK sleep.  
**Carlos:** I hate you so much.  
**Michelle:** I didn’t ask. Don’t blame me. I’ve literally witnessed your boyfriend asking his dad if he was in a good mood because he got laid, so they’re just like this.  
**Carlos:** I know. TK’s private about the details at least.  
**Michelle:** But it’s not helping?  
**Carlos:** Kind of early to tell. Probably helping a little but I’m not giving you enough details to tell you why it’s not helping a lot.  
**Michelle:** Iris says, “It’s probably because Carlos can’t fuck him as hard as he wants. I know Carlos and if he’s said the sex is good, then slow, gentle sex is not what they’ve been doing.”  
**Carlos:** Tell her if she doesn’t stop telling you these things then I’m never going to come see her by myself and give her better details.  
**Michelle:** You know, I’m just going to choose to not relay that message.

“Iris via Michelle?” TK asks when he brings back Carlos’s coffee and another cup for himself.

“It’s obvious?”

“Your face is a combination of aggravated and very happy.”

Carlos laughs. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

***

Carlos waits until they’ve had breakfast to try to talk to TK about the previous night. And even then, he tells TK that he doesn’t have to talk about it if he doesn’t want to.

“Are you asking because something’s wrong, or because you’re just doing that thing where you’re trying to figure me out, or because you want your submissive bottom back?” TK asks, but he says it with a smile, and he doesn’t move from where he’s lounging half on top of Carlos.

“I’m not going to get impatient if you’re in this mood for a while. And I always want you talk to me if something is wrong, but also why do you think it’s so weird that I want to get to know you? I’m not trying to figure you out so I can enact some kind of evil manipulative plan. I’m trying to understand how you’re feeling so I can be supportive.”

TK stares up at the ceiling when he answers. “It’s possible that my ex-boyfriends were shittier than I originally realized.”

Carlos must not hide his reaction well enough because TK shifts his gaze to Carlos’s face just to roll his eyes. “I wasn’t great either. Alex was shit for cheating on me, but I probably would’ve figured out not to propose if I wasn’t caught up in what I wanted our relationship to be. I don’t think I paid attention to what he wanted either. I never would’ve even asked him if I could top, but I never would’ve asked if he needed to bottom sometimes either.”

TK’s been through so much that sometimes Carlos forgets that he’s younger. He hates the idea that anyone ever treated TK badly, but maybe he should remember that he wasn’t as good about communicating with his boyfriends when he was in his twenties as he is now.

“Usually with work, I do a lot of the medical stuff before EMS gets there,” TK continues. “I’m in charge of stuff. I’m helping people. I get home and I just want someone else to take care of me. Now everything feels weird. And we can’t even have rough sex so I can’t get that even if I want it. Yesterday I just wanted to feel like I was in control of something, and I didn’t want to submit or even bottom. But I don’t think I can tell you how much I’m going to feel like that because it’s different every day. I’ve never had to take this much time off work. I’ve never had to just sit around and not work out. I hate it. No one will tell me when I’m going to be able to go back to work. I know I’m annoying and moody, and I’m sorry can’t tell you what it’s going to be like because I never know.”

TK turns and hides his face in Carlos’s stomach. It’s why he can’t hold TK’s mood swings against him. Carlos gets a break from them when he’s at work or when TK’s spending time with Owen or his friends from the 118. TK doesn’t get a break from his own frustration. Carlos runs his hand through TK’s hair to try to comfort him.

“It’s okay. That’s okay. Just keep telling me how you’re feeling and what you need. You’ve been good about that.”

“It’s not fair to you.”

“That’s not true,” Carlos says. “It’s not like you just demand things from me all the time and don’t do anything. You still listen when I worry about Iris. You let me rant about work. And I don’t actually mind getting more texts than normal because I like you. I’ve been told by multiple people that they know when it’s you because of how I smile at my phone. _Also_ , it’s been pointed out to me _repeatedly_ by several people that I like taking care of people. I was much more frustrated before we were together and you’d let me help you a little and then you’d cut me off—which you shouldn’t feel guilty about because you warned me that you weren’t ready a million times.”

“I like listening to you talk about Iris, and I like letting you take care of me,” TK says and his mouth curls up in a smile.

“The we’re okay. You’re hurt right now so we have to worry about your needs a little more than mine, but that happens. Ask Michelle what I’m like when I’m sick. Or don’t, and keep thinking that you’re always the needy one for a little longer. It’s okay if you don’t know what you’re going to need. Just keep telling me what you need when you need it.”

“This is good right now.” TK says and cuddles closer to him. Cuddling on the couch with his adorable boyfriend is far from a hardship, so Carlos puts on one of TK’s favorite movies and relaxes. The movie is halfway over when TK shifts and mumbles something into his stomach. Carlos pushes back TK’s hair and gently turns his head.

“I’m going to need you to repeat that if it was important.”

“Can I kneel?”

“Yeah, of course.” Carlos grabs a pillow from the couch as he sits up and tosses it on the floor between his legs. They’ve never done this before, so he lets TK settle into his own comfortable position facing Carlos and resting his head on Carlos’s thigh. He lets out a contented sigh as soon as Carlos’s hand rests on his head. TK is so different than any of the other submissive guys he’s been with. Though he does like rough sex and his survey came back with all kinds of things that he’s interested in trying. Maybe it’s just because they haven’t been able to try those things that Carlos doesn’t know how he reacts to them. But TK also just seems to take comfort in getting permission to submit at all. Carlos isn’t even sure when TK shifted from just comfortably cuddling to going down. It would be nice to have a little more warning, but Carlos isn’t sure TK understands any more than he does.

The movie ends and TK hasn’t moved. Carlos has learned that TK never _wants_ to come back up, but usually he gives Carlos some hint without realizing it. Either way, his legs have to be falling asleep if they aren’t there already.

“Hey baby,” Carlos says as he gently runs his hand over TK’s face. “Can you come up and sit on my lap? I’ll help you up.”

TK whines, but he lets Carlos lift him into his lap. He buries his face in Carlos’s neck as Carlos rubs circles into his back. Soon he’s shifting around restlessly and letting out frustrated whimpers of discomfort—probably because his legs are filling him with pins and needles but he can’t stretch them out.

“Shh. I’m going to move us to the bed, okay?”

TK’s nods into his neck and holds on. He’s not light, but it’s not a long trip, so it’s easy to carry him as long as he doesn’t make it difficult. Carlos has to remind him to let go because it’s kind of impossible to get both of them on the bed with TK attached to him like a koala, but he relaxes as soon as they’re cuddled close again.

Bringing him back up is a slow process that Carlos feels privileged to witness. They’ve come so far from the day that TK wouldn’t even stay five minutes after a hook up. TK pushes and stretches against him. The more he comes back to himself, the more he resists Carlos’s attempts to get him there, but his relaxed and sleepy smile slowly shifts to the smirk that tells Carlos he’s started being a little difficult on purpose. Eventually he stops whining every time Carlos tries to get up to get them something to eat.

“Thanks,” TK says when he’s back to himself. “I really needed that.”

“You’re welcome, but I’m going to remind you that it’s far from a hardship for me. I don’t get the same thing as you out of it, but I do get something.”

TK nods. “Will you tell me if you need it? Because you don’t really seem to need it as much as much as I do.”

“Maybe I don’t need it as much, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t like it,” Carlos says.

“Are you ignoring what I asked if you’ll tell me when you want it?” TK asks when Carlos doesn’t continue.

“I will when I’m comfortable,” Carlos says. “We’re even in this relationship, but not when you’re submitting. If it makes you feel better, I’ve been completely satisfied and happy with it so far anyway, and I _have_ started it when I felt like you needed it and weren’t telling me. But it’s going to be a while before I ask you to submit when you’re not in the mood first. For one thing, you’ve in a weird place right now, so it’s not a good idea to push you too hard with _anything_. We’ll get there, but I want to be careful. I don’t want to risk you having a bad drop right now if I can help it.”

He expects TK to argue, but he nods instead.

“That’s why it’s easy with you. Every other guy I tried with didn’t give me time to trust them. They were probably fine. They asked for safewords. They asked for my limits, but I just needed to trust them as people first. The first time you took me down, I never doubted that you’d take care of me if I got there. I trust you.”

It’s not the same as TK saying _I love you_ , but after everything, _I trust you_ feels like it’s worth more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oddly, I don't have notes on this chapter which is super-weird for me, I know. I’ve been debating writing an extra scene of Judd’s shovel talk with Carlos. Interest? I’m just in a Judd mood lately. He gets all of Chapter 11 and I’m starting chapter 12 today and he’s getting a lot of that.


	8. Chapter 8

**TK:** I’m going to ask you something, but you have to promise me that you’ll tell me no if you don’t want to do it.  
**Carlos:** Ok. I promise.  
**TK:** Can you come sleep here after you’re off work? My dad has chemo in the morning, and I know it makes more sense for you to go home, but I’ve been lying in bed for an hour and I can’t sleep.  
**Carlos:** Of course. It’s not a hardship to come sleep with you.  
**TK:** It’s out of your way because you’ll go home first. But you can sleep late and just lock up when you leave or hang out if you’re still here when we get back.  
**Carlos:** It’s really not a problem, but if it makes you feel better, you can do something for me tomorrow after your dad’s treatment. It won’t require you to leave your dad if you don’t want to.  
**TK:** Sure. What’s tomorrow?  
**Carlos:** I want to try to go see Iris by myself. I always go with Michelle, but Iris is my friend and I should be able to see her alone. But she might just freak out on me.  
**TK:** What can I do to help?  
**Carlos:** Just be around if she freaks out on me and I have to leave? I just know I’ll want to see you if that happens. But it might be a waste of your time if she’s great and you’re waiting to see if I need you. And then you wouldn’t be able to hang out with your friends or you might have to leave them.  
**TK:** It’s ok. It’ll give me an excuse to hang out with my dad and make sure he’s ok. I can blame you when he starts trying to tell me to get out of the house so I don’t see him get sick.  
**Carlos:** Thanks.  
**TK:** I know it’s a big deal. I want to help anyway I can.  
**Carlos:** Thank you. Seriously.  
**TK:** Thanks for letting me and not thinking I’m too fragile to help you.  
**Carlos:** You’re one of the strongest people I know. <3

***

Carlos only has half a plan when it comes to talking to Iris. They can only ever have half a plan. Some days Iris is more lucid, and Michelle can get her somewhere where they can get her to shower and wash her hair. Some days she screams at them to go away because she’s being watched. Either way, they’ve slowly worked to build her diet so she can have healthier food without getting sick.

Today, Carlos has two containers of food that is blander than he’d normally want and _marranitos_ he picked up from the bakery on the way.  
Iris unzips her tent as soon as he’s in front of the door.

Iris waves for him to duck inside before whoever she thinks is watching her sees. It smells better than last time. Michelle must have convinced her to let some of her things be washed. Besides, Carlos knows he’ll get use to the smell after a few minutes.

“What did you bring me?” Iris asks after he’s settled on the floor. So far it seems like a good day.

“Tortilla soup. Should still be warm.”

Iris takes the thermos, opening it up and holding it to her nose to breath it in before she takes the spoon Carlos offers her.

“Michelle says your boyfriend has you in the kitchen all the time.”

“Michelle exaggerates,” Carlos says. “She’s just jealous I’m feeding someone else.”

Iris’s grin when she looks at him reminds him of the way she used to be.

“You love him,” Iris says. “Does he know yet?”

Carlos shakes his head.

“You should tell him,” Iris says leaning closer and whispering. “He keeps you safe. They can’t see him. They can’t see you when you’re with him.”

***

 **Carlos:** I’m on the way home. If you come over there’s soup I made earlier and I will likely bake something.  
**TK:** You don’t have to bribe me. Did everything go okay?  
**Carlos:** Yeah. It’s just still exhausting.  
**TK:** omw

It was a good day. As good as a day gets with Iris. But he still feels drained after he leaves. There’s always moments where she doesn’t make sense, and he spends the whole time on alert for her to lose it completely. Carlos strips off his clothes as he comes into the house and walks to the shower. The hot water helps calm him, but it’s not what he wants. He wants TK. It’s scary how much he wants TK.

As though the universe heard him, TK is lounging on the bed when Carlos comes out of the bathroom.

“Now _this_ is what you should be bribing me with if you want me to come over,” TK says because Carlos didn’t bother to get dressed right away in his own house. Carlos still pulls on pajama pants before he lies down on the bed and curls up on TK’s chest.

“I know I said I’d come to you, but I wanted my kitchen. I need comfort food. There’re are these cookies I love that I’ve never made myself, so they might not even turn out great.”

“It’s okay. It’s whatever you need. I think my dad was getting sick of me hovering anyway.”

Carlos cuddles closer and TK’s arms tighten around him.

“Iris says you keep me safe because apparently _they_ can’t see you and they can’t see me when I’m with you,” Carlos tells him.

“You _are_ safe with me,” TK says. “So she has that part right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been craving marranitos since I wrote this chapter. Thankfully, the grocery store near me stocks stuff from a panadería because I can't bake for shit.
> 
> Anyway, the next chapter is longer I think. It's important at least.


	9. Chapter 9

**Owen:** I’m sending you TK’s physical therapy instructions so when he tries to do twice as much to get better faster, you can stop him.  
**Carlos:** Does he know you did this?  
**Owen:** He does now. He’s pouting, but that’s because he was going to be an idiot about it. I did it without asking you, so he’s only mad at me. I can handle it.

***

“It’s a violation of my privacy. It’s been months. I’ve gone to meetings. I’ve gone to therapy. He can’t just control my life forever. I’m not suicidal anymore. How are we supposed to have a healthy relationship if you’re not allowed to figure out if I’m being a dumbass on your own? I don’t even know if I would have really lied to you. Probably not, for the record. I think I would have just not said anything and then hoped that you didn’t notice that I was probably training more than I was supposed to.”

“ _TK_.” Carlos catches both of TK’s shoulders to stop his pacing. “I deleted the e-mail. You can still choose whether or not you lie to me about your PT exercises.”

“Yeah?” TK asks with a smile.

“Yes. I’m glad your dad trusts me, but I want us to trust each other.”

“It’s still kind of ruined,” TK says, but he lets Carlos gather him close.

“Maybe this time.” Carlos kisses the top of his head. “You just need to talk to your dad. He loves you and he almost lost you. Twice. Just talk to him about boundaries.”

“I know. It’s just when I ODed, I agreed to give him control of certain things so that he wouldn’t report my OD as a suicide attempt. And that included all my medical stuff, but I thought it was implied that it was limited to things that had to do with being an addict. And at the time, I needed it. Maybe I still do.” TK ducks his head and mumbles the last part.

“Hey,” Carlos lifts his head and makes TK look at him. “If you still need to have him handle some things, that’s okay. Just talk to him about what those things are. Talk to him about why you’re upset and draw some boundaries. Okay?”

TK nods but he still shifts his eyes down.

“Cariño, talk to me. We’re okay. Even if you would have tried to get away with overdoing your physical therapy, we’d still be okay. It’s a stupid plan because it’ll probably just set you back. You’re not a doctor so you should listen to their advice. _But_ it wouldn’t have been a big deal for us if you had tried to get away with overdoing it. It’s your body. I’d like you to take care of it, but I understand why you would push it. We wouldn’t be having a fight about this.”

“It’s not that,” TK says.

“Baby, I can’t make you feel better if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

TK nods, but he doesn’t answer right away. After a moment, he looks up at Carlos with the same look that he had at the police station so many nights ago.

“It’s just that I have to tell my dad where I am and when I go to meetings. I have to tell him when I’m spending the night here and when we go out. How does that not drive you crazy? Don’t you want to date someone who’s a real adult? Doesn’t it drive you crazy that if I forget to text my dad, he starts texting and calling if you don’t notice and text him first? I’ve gotten lazy about it and now he just texts you so he doesn’t have to freak out. That’s the only reason he did this. Because he’s already texted you because I didn’t check in. And I wish that I could tell my dad that it all needs to stop. But,” TK stops and looks away. Carlos gives him a few minutes to continue, but it doesn’t happen.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay if you still need your dad’s help. It doesn’t bother me. You can draw the boundaries wherever you need them. I’ll remind you every day that it doesn’t bother me if you need me to.”

TK takes a deep breath and chokes on the exhale. He doesn’t start sobbing, but he _does_ move closer so that he can hide his face in Carlos’s neck.

“I still think I might mess up and it’s worse since I got shot. They gave me pain meds because they had to, and my dad had them take me off as soon as possible. But it’s been worse since then. Sometimes the only thing keeping me from getting pills is knowing that he’s going to make me do a drug test or start looking for me if he doesn’t know where I am. I wish I could tell him to stop all of this and I don’t need it anymore, but I _can’t_.” TK lets out a harsh sob. Carlos tightens his hold and moves his hand to cup the back of TK’s head.

“Hey, that’s okay. Baby, it’s okay if you still need help. That doesn’t mean you’re not trying. You _could_ lie and tell him to back off. You could’ve lied to me and told me that I needed to help convince him that you were ready. But you didn’t do any of that. You’re letting people help you because you need it, but it’s still you, okay? It’s still _you_ following his rules so that you stay sober. It’s you that’s putting up all those extra obstacles to motivate yourself to stay sober.”

“If I’d told you I was ready to be independent, would you have believed me? You won’t even come over to my house without going home to lock up your gun first.”

“First of all, I owned a gun safe _before_ we started dating, and I lock up my gun whenever _anyone_ is over at my house. I lock it up when I’m alone because it’s a good habit to have. If I didn’t lock it up, I probably won’t even be able to go to sleep.”

“But you moved it. It used to be in near your bed and after I got arrested, you moved it. And then after I saw you put your gun up once, you moved it again.” TK points out. He’s not wrong.

“Because I care about you. And because you _haven’t_ lied to me or your father about still needing help, so I’m not being careless. I don’t know if I would believe you because you haven’t lied,” Carlos pauses to gently tilt TK’s head up so he can look him in the eye. “but also, in this case, I’m not gong to be careless with your life _ever_ because you’re important to me and it’s just never going to be worth the risk. For one thing, have you ever even handled a gun? Do you know how many people shoot themselves by accident because they don’t have the right training?”

“Judd does it. It can’t be that hard. But you know I just wish you trusted me to not try to get to it,” TK says with lowered eyes.

“If you tell me that I should trust you, and you mean it, I’ll believe you. But it probably wouldn’t change anything because you’re just too important for me to risk it. Okay? One day, you’ll be there, and I promise you that I’ll believe it, but I’m still going to hide my gun. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I’m never going to want to be someone who risks your life. It’s _my_ gun and my responsibility, and I just don’t want ever get careless about it with _anyone_ I care about.”

“Ugh. Please never give that speech to my dad. He likes you enough already,” TK says, but he’s smiling as he hides his face in Carlos’s neck again. “But I can still tell him that e-mailing you my PT stuff is out of bounds?”

“Yes. You can do that, and I’ll support you. But you’ll stay on his schedule for therapy, meetings, and drug tests. And you’ll keep letting him know where you are when you’re not coming home.”

TK nods and as Carlos holds him, his breathing starts to even out.

“Hey,” Carlos says, and TK looks up at him. “It means something that you’re choosing it. It’s not just because your dad’s making you do any of these things. Even if you haven’t talked to him about it, you aren’t doing these things just because he’s making you. Give yourself some credit.”

TK’s gaze drops again, but this time he looks to the side like he’s thinking of a response so Carlos stays still and waits. When he looks back up and steps back a little so that they can see each other better, Carlos is expecting him to say that he hadn’t thought of it that way, but that’s not what he says at all.

“I really, really, love you,” TK says with a smile and Carlos is so shocked that he loses his breath and doesn’t answer.

“Please don’t make me have to tell Michelle that I gave you a heart attack,” TK says.

Carlos’s laugh is more of a cough, but it helps him recover.

“I really, really love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: I wrote a gap filler of TK and Owen from the time of his overdose to them moving to Austin. In my head, it’s my back story to this and the My Salvation series, but I didn’t link it as part of either series because it’s kind of triggery and dark and I didn’t want people to think they had to start with it. It’s here: [Daddy, I’m Alone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24292474/chapters/58555468) You 100% do not need to read that story to understand my other stories. That said, if you want to know why I have the feelings I do about TK's overdose and how it's handled, there are a lot more details about it there and lots of personal notes.
> 
> The rest of the notes for this chapter are in the next chapter and I’m posting that right now because it’s so short that it’s mostly an interlude.


	10. Chapter 10

**TK:** My dad says he’s sorry for crossing a line and putting you in a weird position. He’s probably still going to apologize himself, but I wanted to give you warning because I know you’re going to be awkward about it.  
**Carlos:** I appreciate the apology regardless of the delivery. How did the rest of the talk go?  
**TK:** Good. He understands that his authority doesn’t extend to my PT or texting you about anything other than if I forget to tell him where I am.  
**TK:** I know that’s still a little weird, but it’s much easier to say I forgot because I fell asleep and not that I’m incapable of texting because you took me down. I think he’d get over that if I explained it, but I’d rather not.  
**Carlos:** It’s not a big deal. As long as you’re ok with it, I don’t mind doing it. 

***

 **TK:** Can you come over? I got you something. Sort of? I don’t know. You might hate it and think it’s weird.  
**Carlos:** I will probably not hate something you got me. Also, I love you so even if it’s a little weird, it won’t be a big deal.  
**TK:** Not to make it even weirder, but you have to come over when my dad is home. Judd is also probably be there.  
**Carlos:** Okay. I can do that. I’m just leaving work.  
**TK:** Okay. Great. Also, I’m not going to be there, because I’m with Paul so you can just go straight over there and then if you need to, we can go back to your house.  
**Carlos:** Okay?  
**TK:** Sorry. I know I’m being weird.  
**Carlos:** It’s ok. I’m going to go to your house so I can get whatever you got me and then tell you it’s fine.

***

 **Paul:** TK is making way, way too big of a deal in his head. He ran this past his dad, me and Judd. Well, it’s possible Judd was only consulted for knowledge, but Grace was present. Please just go straight to his house so you can tell him you’re happy about this gesture and he can stop overanalyzing it.  
**Carlos:** Going.

***

“Paul says you’re very confused,” Owen says when he opens the door. “That’s fair. TK’s just, well, last time he made any gesture that signaled more commitment, it didn’t go well, _but_ this is nothing like that.”

“Cap, don’t give him a heart attack,” Judd says before looking at Carlos and adding, “I’m sure you don’t think I like you enough to let TK propose to you yet already.” 

That actually hadn’t even occurred to him even with the word _commitment_. He can’t think of a world where TK wouldn’t propose himself if he was going to do it. Not to mention that they’re definitely nowhere near that stage.

“I’m just here because I didn’t trust the captain to know how to work this thing. I’m sure you could figure it out, but not before TK thinks you’re going to freak out about him making some space in his house for you,” Judd says. “Which I’m assuming you’re not going to do because I know you’ve awkwardly failed at giving him a key to your house multiple times.”

Carlos doesn’t say anything because Judd’s not wrong.

“He’ll figure it out if you tell him instead of always acting like it’s temporary and just hoping that he forgets to give it back,” Judd says as Carlos follows them to a closet in the hall next to Owen’s bedroom.

“He’s always felt bad about you having to go home before you come over—especially when you come over after working late,” Owen says. “So he bought you a safe, and he doesn’t know where it is or how it works.”

“He paid for it, but I bought it,” Judd says. “And the captain doesn’t really know how it works either, so it’s not like he’s gonna get in it either.”

***

“It’s not weird,” Carlos says when TK comes back to the house and they escape to the privacy of his bedroom.

“It’s a little weird,” TK says. “I couldn’t even give it to you myself because I’m messed up in the head.”

“Hey. Your head is absolutely perfect. I would know because I spend more time looking at it than anyone else.” Carlos makes a show of pretending to examine TK’s head before kissing his forehead. “Yes, your head is definitely still beautifully perfect.”

“I take a lot of selfies. I look at my own head a lot,” TK says but he’s smiling.

“Maybe. But you send them to me and forget about them, so I look at them a lot more.”

“You know I’m not really talking about the way my head looks.”

“I know, but it doesn’t matter. Also, Judd says I should tell you that I want you to stop returning the spare key to my house every time I loan it to you.”

TK grins and kisses him before leaning over to get something out of the drawer of his bedside table. When he comes back, he holds out a key.

“I was worried it was too much in one day,” TK says. “But I made the copy a couple weeks ago.”

Carlos takes it and adds it to his keychain before tossing his keys away and pulling TK into a long kiss.

“So, think you can be really quiet for me since Judd’s still hanging out with your dad?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: I wouldn’t say that TK is suicidal necessarily, but I think he’s still having the occasional thought and it’s just better not to have something that can kill a person very quickly in anyway accessible to him. Also, I think Carlos is traditional and a rule-follower when he thinks the rules make sense and don’t hurt. Last, he’s so not saying this to TK at this stage in their relationship, but he wants to make it a habit to always lock up his gun so when he has kids running around at some point in the future, he’s unlikely to ever be careless.
> 
> (Also my battle with Carlos while writing that last sentence was like,  
> Me: Kids in general. Not specific kids. Also, we have not discussed this, so maybe yay adoption. This is not decided yet, I’m saying “kids” not “little TKs”  
> Carlos: I get that. But also, little mini TKs would be so cute…  
> Me: Really, Carlos? Are you going to make me write this until you have grandchildren?  
> Carlos: …)  
>   
> Last note, Judd is chilling outside with Owen and after a bit he’s definitely like, “…They’re not coming back out are they?  
> Owen: No, I wasn’t expecting them to.  
> Judd: Really? And you’re just fine with that in your house when you’re home?  
> Owen: I want TK under my roof so I’m going to have to be if I don’t want to fight about it.  
> Judd: Yeah, okay, that’s fair.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional warnings in the notes at the bottom if you'd like to scroll down.

**TK:** I am allowed to have sex however I want as long as nothing hurts. They’re going to let me go back to work soon, so I’m good to go.  
**Carlos:** You’re going to have to promise a lot of times to tell me if something starts to hurt.  
**TK:** If it will get you to hold me down and fuck me as hard as you can, I will make whatever promises you need.  
**Carlos:** You absolutely had to say that while I have 3 hours of my shift left?  
**TK:** I figured motivation couldn’t hurt.  
**Carlos:** You are such a brat. Don’t touch yourself until I get home. At all.  
**TK:** FUCK. I hate you so much right now.  
**Carlos:** I’m AT WORK. You deserve exactly what you’re getting.  
**TK:** Oh my god.

***

Carlos expects TK to attack him as soon as he comes in and that’s exactly what he gets. He loves when TK’s like this. Carlos has missed being able to let go just as much as TK. He lets TK have exactly what he wants until he’s able to back him against a wall and hold him still. TK whines and pushes and struggles against him.

“Hey. Wait. Look at me.” Carlos knows he only has himself to blame for working TK up so much that he doesn’t settle until Carlos shifts to a more commanding tone into his voice when he repeats, “TK. _Look at me_.”

TK still whines and Carlos knows that he’ll lose control again if Carlos lets him go.

“Promise me you’ll tell me if anything hurts. We won’t stop. We’ll just switch positions. But I’m not doing this the way you want if I’m worried about hurting you.”

“I promise. I swear. I’ll tell you.”

“Okay. I need to put up my gun.”

“That’s hot,” TK’s eyes drift over his body, and tries push toward him. Carlos lets him go and TK’s kissing him roughly and unbuttoning his shirt immediately. Carlos has missed this so much. They have sex a lot of different ways and Carlos loves every version, but he’s missed this battle with TK. But he’s still not going to just toss his gun on the floor irresponsibly and TK knows that. He doesn’t have a lot of options, but it’s not like TK is a criminal, so he settles for closing one bracelet of his cuffs tight around the doorknob before quickly closing the other over TK’s wrist.

“Oh, we’re bringing out the cuffs now, officer?” TK’s smile turns to frustration as Carlos pulls away. “Are you serious?”

TK’s pout is so epic that Carlos has to chuckle before he leans forward to kiss him. “I have to put away my gun. I’ll be right back.”

The cuffs click as TK pulls at them, but he’s not actually willing to hurt himself or damage Carlos’s door, so he’s still there pouting when Carlos comes back.

“That was so rude,” TK says as he jingles the cuffs again.

“Well, you were breaking rules,” Carlos says as he steps back into TK’s space.

“Are you going to arrest me officer?” TK asks as Carlos pushes up his t-shirt and slips it over his head. It ends up stuck on the doorknob where TK is still cuffed, but that can be fixed later. It should be corny. There’s a reason Carlos has never done this. But he’s starting to learn that everything is hot when TK is involved. Carlos unlocks the cuff attached to the doorknob as he kisses TK and presses him into the wall. When he pulls away, TK is dazed enough that it’s easy to turn him to face the wall and cuff his hands together.

“Oh my _god_ ,” TK moans as Carlos presses against his back and slips his hand down the front of TK’s sweatpants. He’s not wearing underwear. Of course, he’s not.

“You have the right to remain silent, but personally, I’d prefer it if you’d choose to make a lot of noise.”

“I need you to strip search me, _right now_.”

Carlos laughs and pulls TK away from the wall. He’s rough enough to satisfy TK while still being careful to not really hurt him. When he bends TK over the arm of the couch, he makes sure to press TK’s head somewhere soft before pushing his pants to the floor.

Usually Carlos likes to have sex face to face, but that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate how good TK looks bent over with his ass on display. When Carlos runs his hands over both cheeks, TK pushes back into him impatiently and Carlos pulls back his hand and spanks him without thinking.

“Fuck, yes.”

“Yeah, you like that?” Carlos doesn’t wait for an answer before spanking him again and again while TK tries to find something to grind against and whines when he only finds air. His ass is pink by time Carlos presses a lubed finger into him. TK takes his request to make noise seriously, whining and moaning as Carlos works him open. When Carlos finally pushes into him, TK pushes back onto him to keep him from going too slow.

TK obviously isn’t interested in Carlos giving him time to adjust, so Carlos holds onto his hips and fucks him hard. When he presses down on TK’s back to hold him still, TK curses and rambles out random words of encouragement that mostly consist of _yes_ , _fuck_ , and _harder_. Carlos has missed this as much as TK even though he’s been so careful not to let it happen until the doctor approved it. When TK comes in Carlos’s fist, Carlos pauses.

“Okay for me to keep going?” Carlos asks.

“Yeah. I want you to finish.” TK relaxes into the cushions with a smile, sated and relaxed, but without the haze he gets when he goes down. Carlos isn’t surprised. He listened to Carlos’s demands, but he never really stopped giving back his own. Carlos could probably get him down if he wanted, but he thinks they both want to enjoy this together for what it is.

Carlos comes after only a couple more thrusts. He pulls out slowly and finds the key to let TK out of the cuffs. TK stands up slowly and laughs as Carlos fumbles to get out of his pants that are still bunched around his ankles.

“Much less intimidating like this,” TK says, but he holds Carlos’s arm to help him balance.

“Well, _someone_ was very impatient and couldn’t wait for me to get my boots off.”

Carlos pulls TK close when he finally gets free. He runs his hands over TK’s ass and TK shivers against him.

“Okay?” Carlos asks.

“It actually still kind of feels good?” TK says with the smile. “I’ll let you know if that changes, but you didn’t really spank me that hard.”

“Bed?”

***

Carlos wakes up in the middle of the night to TK nuzzling his neck. He pulls TK close on reflex. He always tells TK to wake him up if he can’t sleep, but TK never does it on purpose. It’s almost sweeter the way TK tries to just snuggle into his arms without waking him up. Carlos is expecting to just hold him and give him enough comfort to settle him before falling back asleep. Instead, TK takes Carlos’s actions as an invitation to climb on top of him. TK’s already hard against his stomach as they kiss, so he isn’t surprised when TK reaches between them to stroke him as soon as he’s hard. It’s a bit more surprising when TK rolls a condom on his cock before repositioning and sinking down onto him.

“I might’ve gotten warmed up without you a little,” TK says into his neck before kissing him. If this is how TK wants Carlos to put him back to sleep, then Carlos is more than willing to help.

They keep kissing, long and deep until TK sighs and pulls away to press his face into Carlos’s neck. Carlos wraps both arms around him and holds him close as they continue a slow rock up and down that makes Carlos ache with how much he loves the man in his arms. TK comes against his stomach with a quiet sigh and somehow cuddles closer until Carlos follows him over the edge.

“Babe, you have to let me toss this condom,” Carlos says after TK lets him pull them apart but makes no move to get off of him.

TK lets himself be moved to the side and Carlos cleans them both up quickly with tissues without letting him go.

“Love you,” TK mumbles as he drifts back to sleep against Carlos’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional warnings: There's some cop roleplay in this. I wrote the first draft of this about a month ago and delayed posting it a few days until after I'd gone over some of the wording that I decided was not appropriate. To be honest, the first draft of this is finished and after that's posted, I might write some extras in the verse. But also, I might just switch to writing TK and Carlos in some AU version where Carlos isn't a cop. I love Carlos as a character, but I think it was obvious how I felt about cops even from the beginning of writing this because it was already something I was struggling to reconcile with Carlos as a person. I debated putting this fic on hiatus, but I also know that after a long day of putting as many of my words as possible to the cause, I have needed to refuel with fic at times so I wanted to get moving on this story again.
> 
> ***  
> The original notes planned for this chapter:
> 
> Me: There, TK, I wrote the sex scene you wanted.  
> TK: Okay, but how about two?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of discussion about TK's arrest in episode three in this chapter. I wrote this chapter weeks ago prior to the current climate of the country, but I've made my feelings about police brutality clear in my writing before so I honestly didn't really change anything in this chapter. This chapter doesn't directly deal with Black Lives Matter, but I feel like I should warn for any chapters that mention police activity right now.

TK knows that people are worried about him going back to work for a lot of reasons. He gets it. He almost died. For his dad, it’s the second time in a year. He gets it even if he hates it. So, he shouldn’t be surprised that after he passes all his physical exams, he’s told that he has to meet with a therapist before he can come back to work.

“I already have a therapist,” TK points out. “A therapist that you approved. I see her twice a week.”

“This is different,” his dad says. “That’s not technically work-related.”

“I have to see a department therapist? How many times? Between two therapists and meetings, I’m going to be in therapy all the time. That’s ridiculous and you know it. It’s probably not even healthy. Don’t I need time to process my thoughts from therapy or whatever?”

TK’s not sure there’s actually such a thing as too much therapy, but there should be. Therapy is helpful, but it can also be exhausting. If he has to go over the same stuff twice because he has to deal with two therapists, then he’s just going to get confused.

“Look, this is just procedure. If he signs off on you going back to work and continuing to see your other therapist, then that’s enough. You’ll just have to see him once. If he doesn’t think you’re ready, he can communicate with your other therapist about when you’ll check in with him again.”

TK still thinks it’s stupid, but he’s not going to ask for special treatment.

***

**TK:** Tips on how to get this guy to say I can go back to work?  
 **🤠 Judd:** I don’t know. I just had to agree to keep going and that was enough for me.  
 **TK:** Great. So maybe if I just point out that my dad makes me go to therapy all the time already, then he’ll agree to it.  
 **🤠 Judd:** Probably leave out the part where your dad makes you.  
 **TK:** Right. Smart. I’m totally going to therapy twice a week of my own free will. You’re my favorite right now.  
 **🤠 Judd:** Aww. Don’t say that. You’ll make your boyfriend cry.  
 **TK:** You’ll stop being my favorite as soon as he takes our clothes off.  
 **🤠 Judd:** There are some things I really don’t need to know.  
 **TK:** Sorry. We just hold hands. We sleep with a wall of pillows between us.  
 **🤠 Judd:** I’ve noticed you wearing long sleeves both times I’ve seen you. Do I need to have another talk with him?  
 **TK:** I sunburn easily.  
 **🤠 Judd:** Uh huh. I saw something when you started to push your sleeves up.  
 **TK:** OMG. You’re worse than my dad. Carlos hasn’t done anything to me that I didn’t explicitly ask for. If you scare him and ruin my sex life, I’m going to tell Grace.

***

**TK:** Don’t answer any calls from Judd.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Too late.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Is the bruising on your wrists really that bad?  
 **TK:** NO. He hasn’t seen anything. He just noticed I wore long sleeves and assumed I was covering something up. I like it. I’m fine.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I still want to see tonight.  
 **TK:** That’s fine, but my dad literally saw them and didn’t make that big of a deal.  
 **TK:** He said, “Did you ask for that?” and I said yes and he laughed and said, “Good luck explaining that to Judd.” So I put on a hoodie before I went to the station. Which is not *that* weird. But apparently it is.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I’m not sure how to react to that except I might have to hide from your father for a while.  
 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** It is 90 today, so it’s a little weird. I’m sorry. I should’ve noticed.  
 **TK:** No, no, no. You are NOT sorry. I swear if you let Judd ruin our sex life, I’m going to be a total brat until you get over it.

***

**TK:** I hate you so much. And I’m going to send Grace a sympathy card because your sex life must be boring.  
 **🤠 Judd:** My wife is perfectly satisfied.  
 **🤠 Judd:** Just come to dinner tonight and let me see you’re fine and we’ll talk about it.  
 **TK:** It’s really not your business. Also, I can’t come tonight because you scared Carlos and now he’s afraid he hurt me and didn’t notice so I have to go see him.  
 **🤠 Judd:** Tomorrow.  
 **TK:** I will come on 4 conditions.  
 **🤠 Judd:** I’m listening.  
 **TK:** 1\. I’m not bringing Carlos so you can make him uncomfortable.  
 **TK:** 2\. You will apologize to Carlos for making him uncomfortable. You know he would never hurt me, and you hurt his feelings.  
 **TK:** 3\. Grace is there to make you be reasonable.  
 **TK:** 4\. You promise that you will stop talking to Carlos like this. You should’ve asked me first about this. I didn’t get mad about your stupid talk when you threatened him because he didn’t seem upset, but you can’t just go around threatening my boyfriend. Maybe you think that’s fine because it’s a weird southern thing but it’s not ok with me even if he doesn’t care.  
 **🤠 Judd:** I will agree to 1 and 3 now and 2 and 4 after we talk.  
 **🤠 Judd:** Grace says she’ll make sure I follow through if that makes you feel better.

***

“I’m fine. I thoroughly enjoyed getting these marks. They don’t hurt. I kind of like looking at them because you know I’m kind of a freak,” TK says as Carlos examines the bruises on his wrists. They’re barely even visible and they don’t hurt even a little.

“You’re not a freak,” Carlos says. He raises TK’s wrists to his lips and kisses the bruises.

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” TK explains. “You make me feel okay about what I like. You always take care of me and check on me if we get rough at all. You’re an amazing boyfriend and I’ve never felt safe with a dom before you. Even my dad gets it—something I’m trying very hard to not think too hard about about.”

Carlos laughs and then makes a face as he processes.

“Yeah. See. Don’t think about it,” TK says. “Because then I’m going to think it more. Can we just circle back to Judd because we obviously don’t have to worry about his sex life.”

Carlos shakes his head and pulls TK into a hug.

“You always take care of me,” TK reminds him.

“I know you think I worry too much,” Carlos says without letting him go. “But I have to be careful if you’re asking me to do things that could hurt you if I mess up. Especially when you’re submitting. You’re trusting me a lot when you’re like that.”

“I know. But I wasn’t down when this happened. You made me promise to tell you if you were hurting me multiple times. And I promised. And I didn’t say anything because you weren’t hurting me. I’ve been handcuffed for real, so I know you didn’t put them on as tight as you would if it was real. I had worse bruises when I actually got arrested and I definitely didn’t pull on them then the way I did last night.”

“Sullivan shouldn’t have put those on so tight,” Carlos says because he’s ridiculous. “If he really thought you deserved it, your hands would’ve been behind your back.”

“I started a bar fight. They were behind my back and they switched them after I was printed,” TK points out.

“He’s a dick,” Carlos says and holds him a little tighter. “He’s always too rough with people. He’s on a permanent power trip.”

“Are you going to tell him no one’s allowed to get rough with me except you?”

“If it comes up,” Carlos says even though they both know he’s full of shit.

***

“Judd’s running late,” Grace tells TK when she lets him in. “You know how it is.”

TK nods as he takes off his shoes. He doesn’t miss the way her eyes go to his wrists. He didn’t bother to cover them up since he’s here because Judd made a big deal.

“Come on. I want to show you something,” Grace says.

TK follows her to the living room. He really hopes she’s not going to show him their own box of sex toys because he doesn’t know how he’ll even react to that. Maybe it’ll be worth it if she has a strap-on. Almost. No. TK doesn’t want to think about Judd getting pegged no matter what. Not worth it.

Thankfully, she leads him to a bookcase, picks up a frame and hands it to him. It was definitely taken before digital photography. It’s of four boys that all kind of look like Judd. Grace points to the smallest one.

“That’s Judd.”

“Judd’s the youngest?”

“He is,” Grace says. “And don’t get me wrong, they all love each other now. Tommy and Cody were old enough that they just didn’t want anything to do with him. But Keith was two years older and did nothing but pick on him. When they were little, Keith wouldn’t play with him unless Judd agreed to give away his toys. Judd’s mama told me he had a completely empty toybox before she figured out what was going on. Keith refused to even acknowledge him most of the two years they were in high school together and tortured him when Judd made the varsity football team as a sophomore. Judd says none of that matters now, but it does. I know he’s a little much, but he cares about you and he just wants to do a better job.”

TK doesn’t even know what to say about that. Even though Judd never said it, TK always assumed Judd was the oldest. TK’s never had siblings and yeah, sometimes he was lonely, but maybe that’s better than being picked on. Still, sometimes he wanted someone else besides his parents to understand everything he was living with.

“He’s great, but he should’ve talked to me more instead of saying something to Carlos,” TK tells her. “Carlos would _never_ hurt me, and he got worried that he’d hurt me without realizing it.”

“I’m not going to say you’re not right, but he was worried you were covering up a problem. Talk to him, and he’ll be reasonable.”

The front door opens and TK hands the picture back to Grace. By the time Judd gets to them, the picture is put away and Grace is ready to greet him.

“Heard you’re coming back to work soon,” Judd says and pulls TK into a hug.

“Yeah. I swear my dad is delaying the paperwork on purpose, but I’ll be back Monday.”

“I’m going to finish dinner,” Grace says. “If I hear any fighting, y’all are going to be cooking _me_ dinner.”

TK must have been in Texas too long because he echoes Judd’s, “yes, mam,” without thinking.

“Let me see,” Judd says as soon as she’s gone. He holds out his hands for TK’s wrists. He deserves the eye rolls TK gives him.

“I’m fine,” TK says as he holds out his wrists. They’re barely even bruised and the scrape where he pulled a little too hard is completely gone even though Carlos worried over it.

“You had marks like this before when you had that busted lip. I don’t care what kind of kinky things you’re into. He shouldn’t be busting your lip like that.”

Suddenly Judd’s conclusions make more sense.

“He didn’t. That wasn’t Carlos.”

Judd gives him an unimpressed look.

“Oh my god. _That_ was not a sex thing. I will tell you, but you can’t tell my dad.”

“Not sure I should be agreeing to that,” Judd says.

“It’s not something that’s going to happen again,” TK says. “Look, I got into a bar fight, okay? I was messed up and upset and I started it. That’s how my lip got busted. And then I got arrested and so, yeah, I had marks from the handcuffs because the cop that arrested me put them on really tight. _Carlos_ hates him and insists that they were too rough with me. But Carlos didn’t do it.”

“TK.” Judd’s voice goes soft and concerned and it’s not fair because it makes it hard to stay mad at him.

“It was months ago. I’m not as messed up now,” TK says. It’s true. He also has a lot more people to sneak past besides his dad if he considers being an idiot again.

“And this time?” Judd asks.

“Oh, come on. If Grace was a cop, you’d want her to handcuff you, too”

Judd looks so scandalized that TK starts laughing. Judd opens his mouth a couple times and fails to come up with a comeback.

“Okay fine. You’re not into getting handcuffed,” TK says because he’s a little concerned that he broke Judd. “I am. He didn’t even put them on tightly. I only got marks because I was really into it. But I’m fine. I promise. He made me promise to tell him if he was hurting me a million times. He was careful and we have a safe word and a few signals just in case.”

“Because you do stuff where just telling him to stop isn’t good enough?” Judd asks. It’s really hard not to laugh again at his disbelief.

“Not really,” TK admits. “But he likes to be extra careful and I agree to it or I’m going to be having boring vanilla sex all the time.”

“I’m not convinced this is healthy,” Judd says eventually. “I know you’re saying that you’re okay with it, but sex isn’t supposed to hurt you.”

“I’m not just okay with it. I ask for it. I like it,” TK says without thinking and then realizes afterwards that it doesn’t bother him to admit it as much as he thought it would. “Look, I used to feel really bad about it okay? I used to think something was wrong with me. My ex was really not into it, and that would be fine except that he made me feel bad about it without me realizing it. Carlos is careful, and he makes me feel like it’s okay to like what I like as long as I’m careful. I know it’s weird to you, but it’s just different.”

To TK’s relief Judd nods as he rubs the back of his neck.

“He’d never hurt me,” TK says because he knows that’s the important part. “And he really does care what you think. He was upset that you thought he would and then he got really worried that maybe he accidently _did_.”

“I didn’t want to think it,” Judd says. “I’ve just seen people hide things. I’ve done a lot of domestic calls where I knew things weren’t okay even when people made up all kinds of accidents.”

“I know.” TK’s seen enough of those himself. “But you could’ve tried to ask me before going off and threatening him. If you’re really that worried, I’m sure he can dig up the police report to verify my story, but then you’ll _both_ start talking about how the other officers were too rough with me and I’m not sure that’s how I want you to bond. He has to work with them, so it’s better if we move on.”

“You’re not always the best at volunteering those things. Does anyone else even know you got arrested if your dad doesn’t know?”

“Just Carlos. He was at the station when they brought me in. That’s how he found out about the fight and the arrest and my overdose and everything.” TK shrugs. He still can’t believe Carlos wanted anything to do with him after that.

“This is what I’m talking about,” Judd says. “I don’t want to pry, but things like that make me think maybe I should. You’re telling me that you got yourself arrested and you got yourself in a fight on purpose. Why would you do that?”

TK shrugs. He doesn’t have a better answer than the one he gave Carlos months ago, so he tells Judd the same thing and then adds, “but I’m a lot better now. I’m not trying to get myself punched in the face just feel something. And if Carlos thought I was pushing for him to get rough for that reason, he’d say no.”

Judd sighs and leans back on the couch. It makes them the same height which only makes TK feel more exposed.

“He asked you out only a few days after that. I know you don’t like that I talked to him the first time, but this is exactly why I did it. And maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do. Maybe I should’ve talked to you first. But you know you’re not supposed to date so soon after an overdose. Can you really tell me you were ready? Considering you didn’t tell the captain, I’m guessing you knew he would’ve worried. And Carlos, he knew better, but he went after you anyway. I’m sorry if you think I crossed a line by telling him that, but he admitted it.”

The thing is that TK _did_ know. That’s why he told Carlos that he only wanted to hook up in the beginning. But then Carlos was sweet and comforting and so good in bed on top of that.

“Did he tell you he didn’t sleep with me for weeks after that? I swear, I was getting middle-school level kisses at best for a while there.”

Judd laughs. “He did. And I know he tried. I want to like him, kid. I do. But I guess I wasn’t sure you’d tell me if anything was wrong. How about this? If you can promise to talk to me more when you’re struggling, I’ll talk to you first if I’m worried?”

TK thinks about what Grace said about Judd just wanting to be a better big brother than he had. It’s not like they both don’t have a learning curve in this relationship.  
“I’ll work on it. I’m not used to anyone except my dad really paying attention.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I finished the first draft of this fic a couple weeks ago, I’m trying to power through it now. After a few days to think, I think decided how I’m going to deal with the issues I have with this fic. I’m going to start writing the sequel tonight. Hopefully, it works out once I start.
> 
> There are so many different ways of thinking between Texas and New York when it comes to things like this. I’m definitely more on TK’s side, but I’ve also had friends who straight-up denied relationships were abusive. I’ve learned that you can’t make someone admit it and you can’t really stop it from happening, but I don’t think Judd’s going to do that.
> 
> Also, Owen is super confident in his masculinity, so I 100% head-canon that he’d let a woman tie him up if she wanted. He’s totally let TK’s mom peg him. Nothing to be ashamed of. TK doesn’t need to know these things, but Owen’s fine as long as TK seems happy. He’ll be fine with the Dom/sub stuff when he inevitably finds out. I’m also not judging Judd’s personal preferences. People can like what they like.
> 
> Last, I’ve always written with the head-cannon that Judd was maybe the youngest sibling. I was trying to hope they’d tell us before it came up but um, yeah, I know this will probably get jossed next season. Oh well.


	13. Chapter 13

TK gets all the way to the station on Monday and goes to his dad’s office to check in.

“Hey TK,” his dad says, and TK knows something’s wrong. “Sit down for me?”

“Shouldn’t I be getting changed?” TK asks.

“There’s a little delay in your paperwork. It’s not a big deal. It just didn’t get put in the right stack on Friday.”

“Seriously? I can’t work?” It’s been weeks and everyone knows how excited he was to get back today for even a short shift. He volunteered to fill in for someone on another squad because he _could_.

“It’s just a paperwork delay. You’ll start Wednesday with your regular squad.”

TK knows it’s stupid to be upset. It’s only two days. Maybe if his dad wasn’t working, TK would believe he delayed it on purpose. But his dad is also filling in because they have a couple people out with the flu and TK knows his dad would’ve just stuck by him the entire shift anyway.

“Yeah. It’s fine. I get it,” TK says as he gets up. He’s fine. He should be fine.

“I _am_ sorry. I know you’re ready. We all want you back TK.”

The thing is that TK knows he isn’t lying. He knows how much everyone hated it when he was debating not coming back at all. But that doesn’t change that he was really excited to get back to work and now he’s just going back home. Carlos is at work when TK gets home and no matter how illogical it is, he just _hurts_. He hurts and he wants it to stop. He’s never bought drugs in Austin but he’s sure he could figure it out.

He calls his sponsor. She works nights so he’s not surprised when she doesn’t answer. That thing about being in Austin is that he doesn’t have any of the friends who would make this easy. His dad keeps all his prescription medicine locked up.

*

 **TK:** Are you busy?  
**🤠 Judd:** No. Aren’t you at work?  
**TK:** They messed up my paperwork. I’m back on Wednesday.  
**🤠 Judd:** So you can start with the right squad anyway.  
**TK:** Yeah.  
**🤠 Judd:** You ok?  
**TK:** Not really. But it’s not an emergency.  
**🤠 Judd:** Carlos and your dad are at work?  
**TK:** Yeah.  
**🤠 Judd:** You need company?  
**TK:** Sort of, but I can find a meeting if I need to.  
**🤠 Judd:** I can come over. If you decide you need to go to meeting, it won’t be the first time I’ve gone to one with someone.  
**TK:** Thanks.

***

Judd pulls him into a hug as soon as TK lets him in. When TK first met Judd, he never anticipated that Judd would be so much of a hugger, but apparently TK just had to get to know him. TK can’t pretend that he hates it. Judd’s huge and soft and it feels safe in a completely different way than when he’s held by Carlos or his dad. Judd doesn’t mind when TK holds on longer than most straight guys will let him. 

“I know I’m being stupid,” TK says. “It’s only a couple days. It’s not like I expect the city to always be on top of filing paperwork.”

“You’re not being stupid. I hated being off work. I’m the last person who’s going to call you stupid,” Judd says as he finally lets TK go. 

“I hate this,” TK says as he walks away from Judd toward the couch. “It’s a stupid little thing and I’d be happy for an extra day off a lot of time. I shouldn’t want to go buy some pills just because I’m disappointed.”

“You don’t need a reason to be struggling,” Judd says as he follows TK to the couch.

“I just hate that it never goes away. I hate that my boyfriend moved all his leftover prescription painkillers out of his medicine cabinet. I hate it even more that I know it was the right thing to do because if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have noticed because I never would have taken stock of his medicine cabinet in the first place. And I hate that I know you’re going to go home after this and move yours.”

“Are you going to notice if I do?” Judd asks. There’s no judgement in his tone, but TK still can’t look at him when he nods.

“I didn’t take anything,” TK says as if that makes it better that he looked and made a note of what he _could_ take.

“Do you have anything you got somewhere else that I should take out of here?”

TK shakes his head. His dad knows all his tricks by now, so it doesn’t feel like much of a success.

“You didn’t take anything. You told me. You asked me to come over because you needed support. You’re gonna be okay. Just let me know how to help.”

“Just be here. Just hang out. I can’t fuck up if you’re here.”

***

 **👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Hey babe. I stopped by the station to surprise you at lunch. Your dad told me what happened.  
**TK:** Sorry. I didn’t want you to worry.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Should I be worried? I know you’re probably disappointed.  
**TK:** I am, but I’m ok. I got Judd to come over so I’m not alone.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Good. Do you want me to come over after I’m off?  
**TK:** Yeah, but you don’t have to rush. Judd said he can hang out until you’re free or my dad gets home.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Ok. I love you. Tell me if you need anything.  
**TK:** I love you too. Don’t worry. I’m teaching Judd how to take selfies. 😁  
**TK:** [picture message]  
**TK:** How is he so bad at this?? He can see the screen!!

*

 **TK:** [picture message]  
**TK:** I’ve been trying to teach Judd to take a selfie for an hour. He’s not improving.  
**Majan:** Dying. How did you talk him into this??  
**TK:** [picture message]  
**TK:** I literally positioned his head to get this one and then I moved out of the frame and SOMEHOW:  
**TK:** [picture message]  
**Marjan:** 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣  
**Paul 🕵️:** That’s impressive.  
**🤠 Judd:** I was already putting out fires when y’all were in middle school taking a million pictures of yourselves. Why the hell would I need to do this? I know what I look like.

***

TK feels a little like he’s being passed off when Carlos shows up, but Judd isn’t going to leave him alone, so he has to put up with it. Plus, he knows that Judd is the only reason that Carlos shows up showered and out of his uniform. His dad always says it’s not a burden to help him and Carlos says the same thing, but TK _knows_ it’s not completely true. TK knows that his dad will never say it, but having TK date someone that his dad actually trusts to help take care of him is probably the only reason he’s been able to keep seeing Zoe while TK was out of work. If knowing that Judd was around kept Carlos and his Dad from being distracted with worry, then TK will put up with the awkward hand off.

“Don’t listen to what he says,” Judd tells Carlos as he’s leaving. “The _plan_ was for me to teach him something he could make you for dinner. I did all the work. It’s like he was just determined to put out a fire today even if he had to start it himself.”

“I hate you. Go home,” TK tells him as Judd hugs him.

“Cooking is stupid,” TK says when Judd is finally gone and he’s in Carlos’s arms.

“It’s okay,” Carlos says and leans down to kiss him. “I appreciate your selfie skills.”

When Carlos pulls back from the kiss, TK tucks his face into Carlos’s neck and breathes him in.

Carlos doesn’t say anything right away. He just keeps his hand on the back of TK’s neck and holds him close.

“I hate that this is so hard,” TK says against his neck. “It’s stupid. Everything is good. My dad’s feeling better. I’m going back to work on Wednesday. You’re _perfect_.”

“I’m not perfect, baby,” Carlos says, but TK can hear his smile. His free hand scratches up and down TK’s back.

“You _feel_ perfect,” TK says. Maybe if he can just focus on the smell of Carlos’s skin and feel of his fingers, he’ll stop thinking about anything else.

“You want to go back to my place after dinner, or do you want to stay here?” Carlos asks.

It’s not like Carlos never sleeps over, but usually it’s when his dad’s at work or when Carlos is off work late and TK just wants him to come over because he’s getting really bad at sleeping alone.

“Babe, I don’t mind hanging out with your dad if you want to be here, or I can go home after he gets off work,” Carlos says. He presses a kiss to TK’s temple and TK relaxes against him.

“I still think you’re perfect,” TK says.

“You know that’s not true. Michelle is already reminding me that I can’t use her as an excuse to visit you at work just because I’ve gotten used to having so much time with you.”

“Yeah, well, you’re perfect to me because even though she’s right, I kind of like that you’ll want to. It helps with the low self-esteem I’m having right now.”

Carlos uses the hand he’s had on the back of TK’s neck to tilt TK’s head up so they’re looking at each other.

“Then by that logic, you don’t get to argue that you’re not perfect to me too. Baby, no one’s actually perfect. You know that. I know that. But you’re perfect to me. Even when things are hard. You’re so strong. And that doesn’t change because you need help from Judd, or me, or your dad or anyone else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of hugs for TK this week and honestly, I needed them. Tiny text exchange between Judd and Owen that I took out of the main fic because it didn’t fit with the point of view:  
> *  
>  **Captain Strand:** Thank you.  
>  **Judd:** Anytime. He’s doing ok. You don’t need to rush home.  
> *  
> I’m pushing through the rest of this because I really want to get the first part of the sequel out in a timely manner. There may be a bit of a hiatus after that. <3


	14. Chapter 14

It’s not like TK hasn’t been around the firehouse since he got shot. He’s been careful not to hang around so much that it’s pathetic, but he wasn’t going let Buttercup forget him or start liking Marjan better than him. Plus, it kept everyone from worrying about him being alone too much and it means he gets fed better food than he’d make on his own.

They still throw him a party with a ridiculous cake that has a cartoon version of him in a full gear holding out a phone to take a selfie. Paul makes him pose for a photo taking a selfie so they can have a comparison.

“We invited Carlos,” Paul tells him, “But he thought it was better to let you come back on your own if he was going to be the only extra significant other.”

“He told _me_ to save him a piece of cake,” Michelle says. “This is your warning that he’s conveniently coming to have lunch with me tomorrow even though he’s not working. I told him no one was going to believe he’s not just checking on you so he’s losing any credit he gets for not coming to the party because he really just wants to check on you after you’ve been here longer.”

TK just shrugs. If Carlos shows up for every one of his shifts, he’ll get annoyed and say something, but for his first day he’s going to listen to his dad’s advice and let Carlos worry about him a little.

***

 **TK:** Going to bed. Go to sleep when you get off work. Stop worrying.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I never said anything.  
**TK:** Michelle is on her phone a suspicious amount. 😒  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I’m just jealous Buttercup gets to sleep with you.  
**TK:** I *did* miss sleeping with him. Marjan is jealous he’s back in my bed.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I’m so easily replaced.  
**TK:** I’m greedy. I’d rather have both of you so I still miss you.  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I’ve accepted that if you ever have a dog at home, you’re going to want the dog on the bed.  
**TK:** You’re not? 😢🐶😢  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** I’ve accepted that I’m going to lose that argument. I’m enjoying that Buttercup lives at the firehouse while I can.  
**TK:** 😇😍  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Yeah, I know. Get some sleep. Be careful tomorrow. I love you.  
**TK:** I love you. 😘😘😘

***

TK is shirtless and doing pull-ups when Carlos comes to see Michelle.

“You did this on purpose.”

“You’re here to see Michelle,” TK says with a smirk.

“This is why I didn’t bring you anything.”

Carlos disappears with Michelle, but TK goes to shower after Carlos is gone because he _does_ want to see his boyfriend. He waits until he knows Carlos only has a few minutes left before going outside. Michelle sees him first, but Carlos sees her reaction and turns to smile at him.

“Hi.” TK straddles the bench Carlos is sitting on and leans in for a quick kiss. He leans his head on Carlos’s shoulder and smiles when Carlos wraps an arm around him.

“I know you’re doing okay,” Carlos says. “I wasn’t going to ask.”

“Because Michelle’s been on every call with me and she already gave you the details?”

“Maybe.”

***

“Does he even know your name?” Majan asks after Carlos has left. It’s possible they took their time saying goodbye.

“Yeah, he just knows I don’t like it,” TK says without thinking.

“Wait. He knows your _real_ name? He knows what TK stands for?” Majan asks.

“That’s what you just asked me?”

“No. I was commenting on how he never calls you TK. It’s always baby, sweetheart, babe, and Spanish words I don’t really know, but they have to be the same thing.” Majan looks over at Mateo and he nods. “But he knows your _real_ name? You told him?”

TK shrugs so he doesn’t have to lie. At this point, he probably would’ve told Carlos as long as he promised not to abuse it.

“So when do _we_ get your real name?” Mateo asks. TK knew it was coming. It’s always a thing. And the more he makes a big deal about it, the worse it gets. 

“TK’s his name if he says it’s his name,” Paul says before anyone else can start asking more questions.

It only takes a second before Majan nods and says. “I don’t know. I thought it was _baby_.”

“I thought it was _sweetheart_ ,” Judd adds with a smirk.

“Cariño, mi amor,” Mateo says and follows with a few more Spanish names that TK doesn’t even recognize.

“If you all want to act like you’re in love with me, go ahead,” TK says with a smirk because he’s never been accused of hating the fun kind of attention. “It’s a little weird from Judd though. You might want to see have Grace feels about it.”

***

 **TK:** We’re going out to the bar after work. Want to join?  
**👮♂Carlos 🔥:** Of course.

***

TK relaxes back against Carlos as his arms wrap around TK’s waist from behind. He ignores the catcalls and kissing noises of their friends as he leans back for a kiss. TK knows Carlos isn’t the only one smiling into their kiss, but he doesn’t care.

“Did I miss something sweetheart?” Carlos asks because the teasing _is_ more than normal. Of course, that just makes it worse.

“Doesn’t matter.” TK nuzzles into his neck and smiles when Carlos kisses his temple.

“As long as you’re happy.”

TK laughs when Majan flicks water at them and tells them to stop being so cute. She shouldn’t be surprised that it just makes him go for another kiss.

TK knows it won’t just stick. He knows he’s still going to have days where someone has to prod him out of bed. There will be days that it doesn’t work, but Carlos or his dad will just sit on the bed with him. He’ll still have to text someone to hang out with him because he doesn’t trust himself, but the list of options has gotten a lot longer. But right now, he can forget all that for a bit and enjoy the lightness in his chest.

“Yeah. I’m happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone who doesn't go by their first name and absolutely hates when people try to use it because they think they're being cute, I have been trying to fit in why this fic trope makes me so uncomfortable. Please call people by their preferred names unless they specifically say it's okay. I can see TK allowing only in certain circumstances. A large amount of people close to me do not know my real name for this reason.
> 
> So I’ve decided how I’m going to move forward with this series. Because of the content, the sequel will be posted to Ao3 first. I don’t want to feel like I’m in anyway profiting on something that includes the kind of content I’m going to have to include to deal with to move this series forward. This is kind of a grey area because it’s just something I feel like I have to deal with in the narrative I’ve already started but profiting just makes me feel weird. I finished the rough draft of the sequel yesterday so it should be up fairly soon. (Likely tomorrow or Friday.) Subscribe to the series if you want the alert, thought I know Ao3 e-mails are going to out really delayed these days.
> 
> I’m also going to write an AU where Carlos just isn’t a cop so that people can have some fluff to make them feel better at the end of the day. Everyone needs to be able to refuel to keep momentum. Feel free to comment will all the ideas in the world about other jobs Carlos is a good fit for because I haven’t decided. I’m going to write some extras (one for the My Salvation verse!) that were requests in the next two days and probably start this AU on Friday or Saturday.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to read all my stuff not on Ao3 it is posted on a different site or (if you just want to follow me on tumblr so I have more 9-1-1 people), I'm not to allowed to link it here, but the link to that can be found on  
> my tumblr: @lostinanimage


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